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thewhizzyhead · 3 years ago

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a non-filipino's guide to trese: ep 1

So some of my mutuals decided to check out Trese aka the Netflix adaptation of the Filipino horror comic book series that I keep rambling about here and then since well um most of my mutuals aren’t from the Philippines fshfs I decided to make a long-ass post that basically consists of me rambling about the cultural context present in Trese with fun little tidbits about Filipino folklore. I’m not an expert on Filipino mythology so um I just typed out the stuff that I know and the stuff that I looked up on Wikipedia so um take this with a grain of salt aaaaa I’ll save the extensive google scholar research ramble on folklore present in Trese for another day.

I’ll try to find the sites where I got some of the information from cause um yea I kinda had a bit of a hard time finding the other shit so um once again, take the stuff here with a grain of salt. Also, feel free to add more info if you guys got any!

SO ANYWAYS ENJOY ME RAMBLING ABOUT EPISODE 1 OF TRESE WOO

+ MRT and LRT (Manila Metro Rail Transit and Light Rail Transit) are train systems in NCR (the capital region) and yea them suddenly stopping and malfunctioning in the middle of the goddamn rail is a daily occurrence and we have been trying to deal with this bullshit for years but alas, corruption and negligence are sweet sweet drugs.

+ When the MRT broke down, you'd see a red bee in the flashing billboard right? Well that's Jollibee and that's probably the most well-known fast food restaurant chain here heck there are even branches of it abroad!

+ According to many youtube comments along with other social media posts that I am way too tired to link here, the opening theme is an Ifugao ethnic song called Balluha'd Bayyauhen but with modern accompaniments and I think the song is about a fruit called a balluha that the character in the song tries to it but cannot swallow. (someone please correct me if I’m wrong here fjkfs)

+ The first um monster that we see Alexandra interact with is the White Lady of Balete Drive. White Ladies or “Kaperosa” are a type of female ghosts typically dressed in ghostly white dresses or similar garments. According to legend, she died in a car accident while driving along Balete Drive (a two lane street formerly lined with Balete Trees which are said to be a home for spirits and mysterious creatures) in Quezon City while other accounts say she died waiting for the arrival of her lover; others also say that she was a teenage girl who was run over and killed by a taxi driver at night and then buried around a Balete tree while another variation of the tale claims that a student from the University of the Philippines was sexually assaulted and killed by a taxi driver nearby and so said ghost haunts the street in search of her murderer. There are many other variations but according to local rumor, the legend was fabricated by a reporter in 1953 in order to make an interesting story. What remains consistent in many variations is that apparently taxi drivers would be stopped by a beautiful lady asking for a ride and if one would look at the rear window, they would see that the white lady in question is bruised and drenched in blood.

+ There are a lot of mentions about "lakans" and stuff in reference to Alex and her father right? In precolonial times, the term is used to refer to the paramount ruler or the highest-ranking political authorities in Tagalog communities (so um NCR and some parts of Region 4). In Muslim communities, they are called sultans while communities with strong trade connecitons with Indonesia or Malaysia called them Rajah. Datu is umm the more generalized term though when it comes to discussing the leaders of the precolonial Filipinos.

+ So, Alex’s mom is a babaylan and back in the pre-colonial period, each barangay (which a native filipino term for a village or a district; said term is still used today to describe um divisions in municipalities like) had them and these are basically Philippine shamans and they specialized in communicating with the spirits of the dead. To my knowledge, the role of babaylan went to women and yea people assigned male at birth but then identified as female were also allowed to become babaylans and they would be treated with the same respect given to any woman back then (honestly I dunno much about lgbtq+ stuff back in the precolonial times but all I know is that precolonial Filipinos were much a lot more welcoming towards trans identities bUT THEN THE SPANIARDS CAME AND UM ERR RUINED THAT); also the writing Alexandra's mom did in that one scene with the dagger is in Baybayin - preHispanic Filipino script. I dunno what she wrote down though. .

+ Also I kinda find it funny that the people here esp those who were at the White Lady scene are um,,, not at all surprised? Like yea quite a number of filipinos have their own superstitions and beliefs and all that but um yea the people in Trese seem very used to the bullshit,,,which in retrospect, isn't at all inaccurate fsdfd I MEAN WE DEAL WITH UNSURMOUNTABLE AMOUNTS OF BS ON A DAILY BASIS SO I DON’T THINK DEAD GHOSTS WOULD EVEN FAZE MANY FSKJDS

+ The one that appears right before Alexandra talks with the duwende (the one in the manhole) is called Laman Lupa (which i guess translates to um "What is in the earth"? just um YEA THEY ARE DIRT CREATURES). normally this is an umbrella term for duwendes and nunos but in Trese they are servants of these aforementioned creatures.

+ Duwende (which came from the Spanish phrase "dueno de case" which means "owner of the house") or dwarves in Filipino folklore are known to be mischievous and magical environmental guardians. They are believed to reside in trees or under earth mounds (those that live in the latter are called nuno sa pundo or old man of the mount) which is why quite a lot of Filipinos say "tabi tabi po" or “excuse me” when wandering around a forest or earth mounds as a sign of respect and in the hopes the duwende won't torment them. If the person is friendly, the duwende can also be friendly in return and will bring that person good lucl; otherwise, those who destroy their homes by stepping on them will face their wrath in form of heartless curse and predictions of ominous and disastrous fates. A duwende's color also depends on their budhi or conscience: to my knowledge, white duwendes are kind, red ones give protection amulets, green ones are firnedly with children and the black ones give nothing but trouble.

+ Chocnut aka the snack Alex bribes the nuno with is a very yummy chocolate snack made of coconut milk, crushed peanuts and cocoa powder. They are umm about an inch in length and maybe half an inch in width so it's fairly small; that being said I WANT THE CHOCNUT THAT ALEXANDRA HAS CAUSE HOT DAMN THAT'S A BIG CHOCNUT

+ In Trese, the creatures in the MRT scene and in the warehouse Alexandra visits after she talks with the duwende are called "aswang". In Philippine folklore, it is an umbrella term for any kind of monster so um an aswang in Luzon would be very different from the aswang in Mindanao. According to what I saw on wikipedia, they can be classified in 5 categories: the vampire (self-explanatory um they drink blood), the viscera sucker (the manananggal, i'll get to that next time), the weredog (cats and pigs are also possible but um yea they target pregnant women), the witch (self-explanatory boom curses and stuff) and the ghoul (they gather near trees in cemeteries to feast on human corpses). Aswangs are often described to have a long, hollow tongue, sharp claws and sharp teeth, although they do also have human forms.

+ To my knowledge, Ibwa, the leader of the aswangs in the warehouse, is a creature from Tinguian or Itneg mythology (they, like the Ifugao, are an indigenous ethnic group in northwestern Luzon) though I could be wrong about this dksfsf Ibwa seems like an ethnic filipino term tho wah I can't remember where I once read that. But anyways, Ibwa often stalk sthe house of a dying person to steal its body. In order for the ibwa to NOT succeed in that, some people burn holes in the garments of the dead and put a sharp iron object on top of the grave since those are most powerful weapons against aswangs which is what Alexandra uses to subdue the Ibwa and kill all the other aswangs (the knife alex uses is named Sinag which means "ray of light".)

+ ALSO I AM SO SO GLAD THEY KEPT THE FILIPINO SWEARS IN THE ENGLISH DUB YES YES THIS IS A VERY GOOD JOB so lemme discuss the versatility of tangina-

+ Also umm Bossing is a nickname of Vic Sotto - one of the three pioneer hosts of Eat Bulaga! which is the longest running Philippine noontime variety show. Over time, most probably due to the show's popularity, the term "bossing" then became um slang for "boss" or "chief"

+ Translation of what Alex says when she's stirring the eye inside the cup: “In the eyes of others, secrets will reveal themselves.”

+ Sidenote: The English dub's pronunciation of many of the tagalog lines are um yea they r pretty good but they could use a bit of work but then again I'm really not that good in speaking in Tagalog so who am I to judge gkdkf sorry po guys conyo po ako-

+ Maria Makiling is arguably the most famous of all the diwatas (ancestral spirits, nature spirits, or deities) in Philippine Mythology; she is associated with Mount Makiling in Laguna as the guardian spirit of the mountain. Mount Makiling is said to resemble a profile of a woman and people associate the profile with Maria herself. She is also known as a goddess by the name of Dayang Masalanta and people would pray to her for safety and to stop storms and earthquakes. That's the goddess Alexandra's mother mentions right when she tells Alex to hide. (Translation to what she said there: Maria Makiling, goddess of the mountain, bless us.)

+ ALSO YEA THAT MAYOR IN THE MRT STATION IS UMMM RATHER REMINISCENT OF MAAAANY POLITICIANS AND PUBLIC SERVANTS HERE LIKE BELIEVE ME I CAN THINK OF SO MANY NAMES RN. THEY WOULD FLAUNT THEIR MACHISMO AND PROMISE THAT THEY THEMSELVES SHALL PUNISH THE PERPETRATORS HARSHLY BUT IN THE END THEY DONT MEAN SHIT AND ARE IN OFFICE TO SERVE ONLY THEMSELVES AND TO SHIT ON THE REST ESP THOSE OF THE POORER SECTORS AND *NOTHING IS DONE ABOUT IT*. WE LIVE IN HELL OKAY. also hmm how the police are represented here is umm,,,interesting,,, like i know there are sOME good police officers like the ones alexandra assists but like,,,our current sociopolitical climate + the many cases showcasing the corruption in the police force + tHE SHEER AMOUNT OF POLICE BRUTALITY HERE would ummm beg to differ. but um anyways-

+ Also Mang Inasal posters can be seen in the MRT station backdrops and um it’s a very famous restaurant chain here and they serve lots of barbecue and other filipino stuffs and i miss them a lot God their halo halo is very yummy

+ Santelmo - oki so this is the fire face thingy that Alexandra summons inside the ruined train. This is the shortened version of the term "Apoy ni Santa Elmo" or "St. Elmo's Fire" - this is a weather phenomenon wherein plasma is created from an electrical discharge from a rod like object in an atmospheric electric field. This phenomenon was used to warn of imminent lightning strikes or storms (there is a chapter in Noli Me Tangere where Pilosopo Tasyo talks about that bUT I'LL SAVE THE NOLI ME TANGERE RAMBLES FOR ANOTHER DAY). But according to Philippine folklore, santelmos - which are said to be souls of people lost as sea - are balls of fire that appear where accidents or big arguments happen. In Trese, santelmos (alex's santelmo being "The Great Spirit of the Binondo Fire") can be called to assist in supernatural investigations

+ Translation of what Alex says when she draws the circles to meet with the purple ghosts: "Souls, where are you off to? I'll be entering too, so please open the door."

+ Remember the scene at the train with all the purple ghosts and the woman in a veil? Yea the woman is an emissary of a goddess named Ibu and she is the Manobo (again, another indigenous ethnic group but this time they're from Mindanao; fun fact we have around 134 ethnic groups) goddess of deceased mortals and the queen of the underworld; she also serves as a psychopomp and guides the newly deceased souls to the other side (having an MRT be the ride to the underworld isn’t in the legends tho so fkkjsf)

+ The aswang in the top hat is called Xa Mul and according to the Isneg/Apayao people (yay another ethnic group but this time in northern Luzon - the Cordillera regions to be specific), they are an evil spirit known to swallow people whole.

+ Alex has two henchmen right? Yea they are named Crispin and Basillio and No I still don’t know who’s who and I'm really sorry about that fsfjs so anyways the names Crispin and Basillio are actually those of two brothers featured in the Noli Me Tangere and El Filibusterismo novels (Crispin is younger and Basilio is older) which are basically the national novels here cause um yea written by national hero Jose Rizal as sociopolitical commentary about the Spanish regime here. I don't know if I want to spoil this cause I kinda want other people to read the novel too fskfs BUT ALL IN ALL, ONE OF THEM DIES IN LIKE THE 10TH OR 11TH CHAPTER OF NOLI ME TANGERE (and the novel has 64 chapters btw) AND UM YEA-

+ OKI SO TO ADD MORE CONTEXT TO THE SQUATTER STUFFS MENTIONED IN TRESE (we r gonna use the tiny font here because holy shit this rant is long): So,in the Philippines, especially in the capital region, there are lots of slum areas called squatters. These are dense urban settlements made of compact makeshift housing units that aren't really officially recognized by the government. This is um very reflective of the poverty situation here and there are maaany factors that come into play here and if i were to go into depth about this topic, that rant would probably turn into an academic paper so for the sake of brevity, let's just say that Things Are Fucked Up Here. Oftentimes the poorer sectors are being ignored and left to their own devices despite tons of campaign promises to make things better and easier for them. The communities that live here are incredibly vulnerable to floods, fires, and the like and afaik no concrete solutions have been in effect to protect these people and their settlements. There have also been many times where squatter areas are dismantled or demolished despite protests of people living in those areas and yea I understand the need to make space and the need for renovation but the people should still be offered some sort of temporary settlement or financial compensation thingy that doESN'T fuck them over but alas, we have an anti-poor government. That being said, I really like Trese Ep 1's portrayal of governmental negligence, but I also have some thoughts, especially in regards to the mayor being arrested THAT FAST which um believe me, NEVER FUCKING HAPPENS BECAUSE MANY MAYORS AND A LOT OF POLITICIANS HAVE THE POLICE IN THEIR POCKETS SO UM ERR YEA JUSTICE IS RARELY A THING HERE BUT UM ANYWAYS YEA THE GOVERNMENT LIKES TO SHIT ON THE POOR WOO LET'S SAVE THE USE OF SOCIOLOGICAL LENS ON THIS MATTER FOR ANOTHER DAY

+ The news channel reporting the arrest of the mayor is ABC-ZNN WHICH IS AN OBVIOUS REFERENCE TO ABSCBN aka the top media conglomerate here (that has been fucked over by the government so many times to the point that they had to shut down operations last year which is all sorts of unfair so seeing them being referenced here kinda made me happy gksfks)

#HI PATROC I HAVE A GIFT #IT'S A VERY LONG AND CONVOLUTED GIFT #BUT IT'S A GIFT #I WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK IN TRYING TO UNDERSTAND THIS #this is literally 2813 words long AND IT TOOK ME 12 HOURS TO TYPE THIS OUT OH GOD #AND THIS IS JUST EP 1 #here's to hoping the following eps are gonna be much easier for me to like ramble about considering that i explained quite a lot here gfsfs #please do take this ramble with a grain of salt tho cause obviously I am not a mythology expert so um feel free to add more info!#i'd really love to see more info about trese so yay!#trese #trese netflix #alexandra trese #trese spoilers #ask to tag

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drivingsideways · 5 years ago

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Now that I’m caught up to episode 20, my rage is somewhat assuaged; mostly because of that wonderful scene at the end of episode 18 where Cao Danshu is finally allowed to give voice to her anger and bitterness and sorrow.

Under the cut for length and rambling

-I love that scene for many reasons- one, that she verbalizes her feelings with no ambiguity or holding back. That directness that you love about her in the initial scenes is on full display. Two, that she does it while casting aside the “proper behaviour” code that she’s been adhering to. Three, that she does it to someone, and not just anyone, but to Maoze, of all people, ostensibly the Emperor’s man, but I love that when she lets herself be seen at her most vulnerable, it’s an acknowledgement that she knows that he sees her, because he’s been paying attention, unlike A Certain Person We Could Name. And the fact that she trusts him with her vulnerability is also an acknowledgement that she sees him, and how he defaults to kindness and empathy, and knows that he’s safe. Four, oh, Maoze. That moment when he reaches out to touch her, and almost does, but then restrains himself. OH NO. I LOVE. THIS IS THE HILL I WILL DIE ON.

- In the next episode when she thanks him for not ratting her out for inappropriate behavior or worse, judging her for it- and when he says, whatever you decide, I wish you well, and her little smile, OH NO, HOW AM I NOT SUPPOSED TO SHIP THEM. The version i was watching on viki seemed to have an abrupt scene cut where they talk about the calligraphy she’s put up. “At that time I thought it was a beginning” she says, and I expected that sentence to be followed up with something more definitive, but I’m just going to assume that she’s decided to be done with the pining for a man who, for whatever reason, cannot love her as she wants him to, and move on. You go, girl, YOU GO AND PLAY WEIQI WITH MAOZE AND TEASE HIM SLOWLY OUT OF HIS RESTRAINT AND PROPRIETY AND BE TWO HAPPY LITTLE BIRDS EVEN IF YOU’RE TRAPPED IN A LONELY CASTLE.

- The contrast between Cao Danshu’s sword dance and her fire and fury and Zhang Bihan’s “dress up” as a soldier could not be more apparent, and well done, show.

- Have I mentioned how much I loved Instructor Jia? Honestly, find her one of the real-est characters in the show, and I love a good schemer who just wants to make sure that she’s not out on the streets. I hope we’ll find out what happened to her- though given that Zhang Bihan was only made attendant (which, oooh, Danshu, good on you, if that was you being petty, you fucking deserve to be)- I doubt anything very good happened to Instructor Jia. I assume she may have been banished from the Palace.

- Emperor Fucklord wants someone who loves him only for “himself” and basically exists only to soothe his ego? Colour me surprised, toxic masculinity much? Like half his problem with Danshu is because Mommy Issues (TM). Fact is, Empress Dowager didn’t force his birth mother to give him up, it was his father’s decision. But of course, he could only spend his entire life blaming her, and being a spoilt fucking brat to boot, intimidated by her power ( and having those feelings of ill usage be validated by all the men in the court who were also like AN EMPRESS NO HOW CAN BE NEVER MIND THAT SHE’S FUCKING GOOD AT HER JOB OH NO A VAGINA!!!!!WE ARE DOOMED!!! )

Watching him make a stupid fucking decision regarding Bihan just made me realize what a child he is. Poor little boy, only literally the most powerful man in the kingdom, but oh no, so helpless, so constrained by propriety, so unloved, nobody who sees him for himself. (Also, my god, that entire conversation with Zhang Bihan when he says, “everyone only cares for me as Emperor, but I’m keeping you for me..” as though He’er didn’t exist, as though he didn’t take advantage of her devotion to him, her docile nature. Wazzup, fucklord, He’er seem boring now that the next younger model who’ll flatter your ego with her worship turned up?)

And then of course, two years later, he’s yelling at Zhang Bihan for not showing more propriety or considering his position as Emperor and the responsibility toward the people etc.

Well, enjoy, I’m sure things are going to get worse when you make her a concubine (which, oh, i love how Bihan is like “I don’t care about anything but you, i don’t care about status” and then cannot stand that Maoze is her superior; Maoze’s cutting her down to size was also hugely satisfying.)

- Emperor Fucklord’s increasingly pointed comments about how Maoze seems to know more about his wife than he does make me viciously satisfied, and when in Episode 20, he tries to glean info about the Empress’ thoughts via Maoze, and Maoze basically stonewalls him: I CACKLED. YOU TEACH HIM MAOZE.

-I loved Danshu’s and Crown Prince Zhao Zongshi’s conversation about love in Episode 20. At this point, my only hope is that relationship grows stronger and more loving as the years go by.

-And when Renzong comes by, tail between his legs, but still acting so fucking entitled, I loved that Danshu greeted him with polite friendliness and courtesy and did not one thing else to endear herself to him? Oh how the turn tables.

- Other than this, I confess to tuning out a lot of the pontification that seems to make up the “political” side of things. I mean, not that the governance and political side of things isn’t interesting per se, it’s just that it gets....too much, weighs down the pacing. Like I feel the drama is so slow because they couldn’t decide whether to be a domestic slice-of-life or a political drama; and the thing is, clearly the writers have a hard on for Renzong, and I think are attempting to give a “balanced” context to his life and times as such, but despite Wang Kai being a decent actor (and very handsome!), I’m sorry, but he’s just...increasingly unlikeable, at least to me. I feel they try really hard to make him more sympathetic a character, esp in regards to his relationship with Cao Danshu, where they often frame it as miscommunications due to different temperaments and childhood backgrounds, which could be a problem in any kind of relationship, between people of any gender. At least, I think that’s how the writers are seeing it. But at the moment I don’t know if the writers have any sense of what a privileged misogynist prick he comes across as, or whether they will ever have the character confront that in the narrative and (hopefully) come out better for it.

I can hope so, but the truth is, I’m not holding my breath for it. Like, they made a conscious decision to adapt a novel about a love story between a woman and a eunuch into a story about a powerful heterosexual man who exhibits an unfortunate tendency to see himself as a victim. So....yeah, not holding my breath.

#serenade of peaceful joy #held in the lonely castle #this is long!#i might write fic over the weekend for danshu and maoze #wish me luck!

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disasterganes · 6 years ago

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do you mind going further on the "bryke is trash" point? i may have liked a:tla and thought a:tlok had issues, but i feel like i'm missing info or haven't thought about certain things critically enough.

i will definitely do my best -- full disclosure it’s been years since i’ve come into Close Contact™ w/ k*rra, so feel free to take with a grain of salt. it’s just my opinion, and it’s a heightened opinion because i was B I G into the fandom & show when it was dropping. i had a friend group formed through atla / k*rra before it launched, it was a real cornerstone of my online life so of course i took its bad writing way more personally than a more casual fan. i also can’t watch a show as a show? i’ve done too much work (undergrad & graduate) in writing & narrative studies, so i can Only See Story -- when it falls apart, i can’t get past it.

behind the scenes, atla likely triumphed because it was a team effort, and a bit of a first effort. not that these people hadn’t written before -- but part of what k*rra suffers from is the “how do we level up” problem that is typically answered (esp by white male writers) with make it darker. atla shone because it didn’t need to darken its tone in order to convey a more serious story -- it had room to breathe and a gentler humor that never really felt malicious in the way lok would feel malicious at times. atla was content to be what it was -- lok was always trying to be grittier than it had to be, given how well atla conveyed its difficult themes with a lighter hand.

anyway! two parts: shitty writing, & racism.

abandoning its premise

my biggest pet peeve is when a show sets up something -- and doesn’t deliver. it’s why i noped out literally s1. (and, of course, kept up quietly from the sidelines bc once i start something i’m physically incapable of letting it go. but emotionally i was gone.) in its first two episodes, lok had incredible worldbuilding. it was beautiful! well drawn! interesting! organic to the world atla built! there were problems introduced that were new and different from atla. atla read a lot like a sprawling, classic hero’s quest. falter, then triumph. lok was more intricate. in its first two episodes, it posed a question: how do you navigate heroism in a world where heroism has been redefined? how do you balance staying true to yourself and allowing yourself to grow, under the scrutiny of the “celebrity” of avatardom? and how do you perform as an avatar, the person meant to keep the balance of the spirit world, when the mortal world is out of balance? this could have been four series’ worth of content. there was enough rich, complex worldbuilding in the first episode to sustain four seasons of a show.

and then they just -- forgot about it. it was set dressing, and every half a season they artificially upped the stakes. nothing was organic to the world or the story. it was all some -- contrived plot. the conflict between benders and nonbenders could have been really interesting and then it was just -- black and white. here and gone. k*rra’s too brash and bratty to understand! and nonbenders don’t matter anyway! let’s forget about this plot and skip to some !! uh !! political upheaval! and then like! assassins and genocide or smth!! haha yeah big fights!

it was so shallow, and that’s not how the show started. in the first seven episodes, i thought i’d called the overarching. i thought the show would spend however much time it had (initially, bryke said they were only doing two seasons to “focus on a tight story” and, like a fool, i believed that this wasn’t just a cash grab :/) setting up this story: k*rra will unlock her full potential when she realizes that it’s not just the spirit world that needs an avatar, but the mortal world as well.

that’s it! that’s all you need! it’s a similar premise to atla but it expands atla. i distinctly remember the quote from one of those s1 episodes, where a nonbender says, “but you’re our avatar too.” that’s it. that’s the show. you have a show!! you have equalists, you have a bender-centric world, you have progress at the expense of those that can’t fit this new world’s design -- and then the equalists are all fake and we’re going to just brute force a solution and move onto the next crisis.

... what ?? what put the nail in the coffin for me was when the gang or crew whatever the fuck they were (spoiler alert: they were nothing, none of them liked or cared about each other) were being aided by a homeless community or w/e and b*lin jokes about a “wise and noble hobo.” this orphan. who grew up homeless. and has built himself up from nothing with his only family left. is not utilized by the writers to comment on the epidemic of poverty, homelessness, and very thinly veiled racism / ableism (another spoiler alert: don’t expect white dudes to write a coherent metaphor for a real world issue). this was the opportunity for actual depth and even darkness -- below the glittering world of republic city is a serious problem that “”””defeating the fire lord”””” won’t solve. this is a mature and complex story, and it was never ever explored. in fact, in s2 that rich dude asks b*lin if he’s “ever seen the arena at night.” and b*lin says no. the, uh, the arena he lived in bc he was homeless and crushed under the wheel of this new society.

what ,, the fuck ,, bryke.

it’s the problem where a writer is constantly trying to outdo themselves -- and they sacrifice the story they could have had. the actually mature one. it’s a problem of thinking fight scenes and a villain Bigger and Badder than the last constitutes grittiness or maturity or w/e. (spoiler alert again: it doesn’t.)

torturing k*rra

atla was a story about raising a*ng up. lok was a story abt breaking k*rra down.

shitty writing is one thing. racist writing is another. from the fucking moment she’s on screen, k*rra is told that she’s too much -- she’s too confident, she’s too loud, she’s too stubborn. and maybe she’s confident, loud, and stubborn, but the narrative does nothing but punish her for this.

a*ng is a flawed character. a*ng runs away from his responsibility and, subsequently, the fire nation takes over the entirety of the known world. do i blame a*ng for this? absolutely not. and neither does the narrative -- not in a way that counts. people in the story do, but does the narrative beat him bloody? no. the narrative gives him friends. the narrative gives him room to make mistakes and then apologize for them. the narrative lets him learn without making his failures into something that he is literally tortured over. he struggles, but in his worst and most dire situations -- his friends are there. when he dies, it’s not shown in all of its gory details, and in a beautiful, quiet scene, k*tara heals him with spirit water. they stay by his side, and a*ng is given love, care, and support.

k*rra is constantly, viscerally tortured on screen. k*rra is blamed, threatened, abandoned, poisoned, and temporarily disabled. k*rra is treated like a punching bag in direct response to her supposed “flaws.” we know this to be true because she “learns” from these moments of being violated, abused, and tortured -- the narrative tells us that she had to go through hell, on her own, in order to “learn humility.”

why did k*rra, a brown girl, need to learn humility? when did she ever come across as someone who couldn’t learn, given the kind of time and space that a*ng had? why were her lessons literally beaten into her, while a*ng’s were simply a process of trial and error, with his friends at his side every single step of the way?

people will always argue that it’s not so bad, that it’s not necessary to be as gentle with k*rra. but tell that to young brown girls watching this incredible, smart, kind, strong brown heroine get physically and mentally assaulted and broken down in order to properly “serve and save the world.” that shit? that shit’s traumatizing. k*rra is treated like garbage by m*ka, by as*mi, and by the entire world -- she is killed and tortured and isolated, and she is still expected to be grateful for what little she’s given by the end of the series.

i hate that k*rrasami is praised so highly. because it uses the lesbian card (which i carry as a member) to reinforce some really disgusting colorism and, quite frankly, shitty ass writing. bryke can’t write without a team. end of story.

that shit!! does NOT fly with me !!!

#!answered #anti lok #lok hate #bryke hate #Anonymous

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porchwood · 6 years ago

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Hey friends,

I’ve been struggling to come up with a sufficient thank-you for all your help with the GoFundMe, but it seems every time I sit down to try to write a response, some new awful thing arises. And this past week was the worst yet (maybe the worst ever).

When last I spoke to you, I was getting over a bad cold and preparing to ease back into work after my injury. The PT office finally called me back and I went in for one session to make sure I was at a recovery point where it was okay for me to do massage again; the therapist did a quick assessment - no exercises demonstrated or recommended - kinesiotaped the knee and charged $100 that I had to pay then and there. (So a waste, and an expensive one, but I guess it could have been worse?) The next day I started back at work VERY part-time (one 60-90 min client a day) and it absolutely killed me. I was no longer wearing the brace and my knee actually did okay with the work (bending/crouching notwithstanding), but the rest of my body (esp core muscles) were just drop-kicked by the work. I went home exhausted and shaky every day and finally tried substantially increasing my protein intake, which felt a little ridiculous (we’re talking a 24g shake + an 11g bar for breakfast or two entrees at lunchtime), but it’s done a world of good, and that’s all thanks to you guys. (Protein of any kind isn’t cheap and your incredible donations made it possible for me to buy good food to rebuild my muscles.)

The end of my first week back at work, I fell hard on the ice outside my house. Miraculously, my left knee never even hit the ground, but I fell flat on my back and my left wrist - without any lasting injury, thankfully, but I was absolutely worthless for the next 24 hours and had several days (crucial returning-to-massage days) of varying degrees of pain in that wrist. In the meantime, I made a couple of other adjustments (raising my massage table to take the strain off my lower body, getting back on an ibuprofen schedule instead of just taking it after the fact, when I was hurting badly), all of which helped, but I’m still only about 85% back. My knee still hurts every morning when I wake up and gets stiff and sore whenever I have it bent for any length of time. My workplace has been surprisingly good about letting me work a slower schedule as I build back up (ex. 3 clients a day instead of 5), and last Friday I finally got a paycheck for the first time in over a month (!).

Then, two weeks ago, I was wakened at 3am to Lucky (my little rat terrier) falling off the bed. This has happened before and is usually comical after the fact, but when I picked her up, she emptied her bladder all over me, and when I tried to set her down to check on her, her back legs had gone limp and wouldn’t support her. Terrified (I’ve heard enough end-of-life dog stories to know this isn’t good), I was about to take her to the emergency vet when she sat up like nothing had happened and began licking herself. I took her outside and she walked around a bit, completely sound on her feet, and pottied again - business as usual. Worried and mystified, I messaged my (LPN) mother who thought the urination sounded like a shock reaction to the fall, so I gave Lucky a bath and spent most of the day just cuddling with her.

For about two seconds, life seemed like it might finally be getting a little better. I was able to pick up two massages at a local inn (which pay substantially better than massages at the spa and provide some very helpful extra money). And then on Thursday, I came home to a slightly anxious Lucky (howling quietly on my bed), and when she got up to greet me, her back legs wouldn’t support her. I scooped her up immediately and her entire body went limp (seemingly lifeless), her head and neck lolling over my arm. As I ran through the house with her, her bladder emptied down the front of me and - still lifelessly limp - she gave the most horrifying howl I’ve ever heard. I was convinced she was dying in my arms.

As we tore down the road to the vet’s (thankfully, about a 5-minute drive from home), she sat up on my lap and by the time we’d reached the office, she was acting downright normal again. I was able to get us in with one of the vets about 10 mins later (a tech checked her out right away to triage her and make sure she was stable), and he wanted to get some data on her heart. She’s had a heart murmur for almost her entire life and, while I’ve asked repeatedly what we could do for that, the only advice I was ever given was hawthorn and ginkgo supplements (which she takes on a more or less daily basis), and at one point we tried a canine cardiac formula for a few months with no notable changes.

She had an EKG, chest x-rays, and a blood draw ($516, including the office call) and then that info was sent to a veterinary cardiologist in Portland. All they could tell me in the meantime was that her heart is enlarged and to just have her take it easy for the rest of the day; they would call me first thing the next morning with the cardiologist’s report. Lucky was sleepy but normal for the rest of the day and I passed an awful night of bad dreams (including one about rabid dogs) and waking every hour or so to make sure she was okay.

I was scheduled for my typical split on Friday but had only one client at the end of the day and was an emotional wreck, so I asked if I could just go home to be with Lucks and I found another therapist to cover my client. I still hadn’t heard from the vet by 10am, so I called to check in. He gave me a brief summary over the phone and asked if we could come in for some more tests, which was another hour and a half and $236. (I was able to put these two visits on my CareCredit card but for some reason the vet only gives a 6 month promotional period instead of the 12-18 months that other places do. If you’re not familiar, CareCredit is a great option IF you can pay off everything quickly. If you can’t, you’re clobbered with obscene interest on the entire sum at the end of the promotional period, even if you’ve paid off almost all of the principal.)

I’m still making sense of the cardiologist’s report because it’s quite in-depth and my knowledge of the heart isn’t quite that high, but here’s what I’ve been able to glean:

- “severely enlarged” heart - borderline tachycardia and occasional arrhythmia (her collapse was considered a syncopal episode, if that helps anyone) - some degree of mitral valve issue - at risk of developing congestive heart failure

She was put on two heart meds, pimobendan/Vetmedin (which is supposed to be very effective and is also very expensive) and enalapril (an ACE-inhibitor), and she has a kidney check-up in about a week to make sure she’s doing well on them and adjust the doses if necessary. The vet seemed to think the prognosis was pretty good (considering that at this point we’re talking about staving off heart failure :/) - he said small dogs with mitral valve issues tend to do well on these meds - and other than this insanity with her heart, Lucky seems to be in pretty good shape. Before Thursday she was extremely active and happy; there’s no sign of neurological issues, and her BP, thyroid, kidneys, etc are all looking good. So I’m trying to stay hopeful.

She’s been a little extra sleepy (understandably) the past few days, but this afternoon she seemed unusually “off,” so I’m trying to figure out whether it’s her tiny body adjusting to the meds (which she needs to stay on for the rest of her life) or if her heart is suddenly starting to get tired and this is the new normal. :( I called my mother earlier (a mistake) and got a lot of pessimism-in-the-guise-of-sympathy that left me feeling like Lucky is on hospice and I should start making end-of-life arrangements now.

I’ve been crying for the better part of the last four days, and I don’t think I can articulate how painful this is for me. I didn’t think it was possible to donate a human heart to a canine but I looked it up just in case, because I would give her mine without hesitation. Lucky is my whole life - my soul running around in a little black-and-white body, and five years ago when my life systematically fell apart, she was the only thing misfortune didn’t touch - and I knew this, and I was waiting. Since then she developed sleeping bladder leaks (which, while frightening, were easily and effectively treated with estrogen), then severe separation anxiety (which I’ve been struggling to treat since 2016, and yes, I blame myself for the anxiety making her heart worse, even though I’ve done absolutely everything to help her overcome it). Lucky is absolutely the reason I didn’t try to end my life at various junctures over the past five years, and I don’t want to think about what will happen to me if she’s not here anymore.

And as ridiculous as this will sound: I was supposed to be married by now. When I got Lucks as a puppy, I knew the inevitable would one day come (unless Jesus comes back before then so Lucky and I can just go to heaven together, which I haven’t given up on), but I knew my life would be much different by then. I would have a home and a husband to help shoulder the financial and emotional burden. I was not supposed to be alone, sterile, and struggling just to make ends meet. I love my roommate dearly, but it’s not the same as having a spouse, nor should it be. She can give me hugs and listen to me cry, but at the end of the day it’s me in that dr’s office, holding my hurting baby and promising to pay for whatever they have to do, and me that has to hold everything together and keep going when the worst happens.

Incidentally, last Sunday was my birthday. I’ve mentioned before that my birthday has some kind of perverse curse, and if this year didn’t prove it, I don’t know what will.

My father (living in Nebraska, and with whom I’ve had a strained relationship since my hysterectomy) has congestive heart failure, and my mother called me shortly before all of the Lucky stuff to tell me that he’s failing and to try to talk me into moving back to Nebraska to help keep an eye on him. Which is a subject for another time entirely, but over the past few days I’ve been wondering if I should think about going back (temporarily), if only to be around family myself. It would be a complicated situation (I’d still be on the Maine lease and paying for half of everything, Lord knows if I’d be able to keep my Maine job when I came back and I’d end up back at Massage Envy in Nebraska, not to mention I’d be scrambling to pay down my medical bills and Lucky’s), but maybe it’s something I should consider.

Anyway: that’s where I’ve been. :( And I’m sure I look like an ingrate for not saying thank you about the funds sooner, but between the fatigue and the heartbreak, it’s been hard to manage much of anything lately.

#personal #lucky bloom #did i mention we got kicked out of our house four months ago?#and that i'm still recovering from an acute knee injury?#i almost can't even process this #and i know i'm quietly ignoring the parts i can't handle

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firebirdsdaughter · 6 years ago

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Okay, okay…

… Okay.

I am calm.

…

……

………

No. I’m not. I’m so excited for next weekend’s ep, I am already doing a random ramble about the preview images. DX

Well… Here we go.

Timeline? What is timeline? XD I’m just gonna go in the order they appear on the website, but I have no idea if that’s actually the order they will occur in in the episode proper.

Hello, Prime Minister Kano whose surname I forget, nice to make your acquaintance. Even if I don’t trust you. So I’m noting an association w/ white for this lady, w/ her light coloured clothes, the white roses, even the white hospital room, and, of course:

Since we’ve only seen the ‘students’ (as in, our main team) have these, and not anyone else, not even the Masters, makes me very curious as to why she has it and who it belongs to—her, or someone else? We’ve seen no other suit, so either they’ve kept it a secret—which is unlikely, why cheat themselves out of a potential action figure—so it’s unlikely that another Ryusoulger will actually appear, but it does raise the possibility of whether there used to be at least one more Ryusoulger and they died, maybe even recently. Alternatively, these pendants mean something else. But leaving that mystery, next on the list is what I assume is the team (sans my boys) discovering the rumours about Kano, and maybe realising she’s Ryusoul:

Featuring what might be a… Bear costume in the back? … What. I have priorities. I must notice random things in the background of everything. Next is a shot of the four little sibs trying to fight the Mummy Minusaur. My first guess is that this is happening while Banba is talking to Kano at the hospital, and that’s why he’s not there. There’s several shots which seem to take place in this location in the fight, identifiable bc of yellow lines on the ground:

Other images include Kou using a Soul, him trying to mediate between Melto and Asuna, who are apparently having a fight, and the little sibs doing the ending of the rollcall. Interluding is this image:

Again w/ the white roses. She’s got kind of an evil slump here, but I’m attributing that to her being a Minusaur host and not feeling well. I’m just not getting ‘evil’ vibes from her in general. Perhaps indifferent, and having made some questionable choices regarding information or other things, but I don’t think she’s evil. Of course, I could end up being proved completely wrong, we’ll see. There’s this shot of the brothers facing the Minusaur:

Which is a better image of the Minusaur. My guess is this is the fight where they end up getting tied up in the ‘bandages’ from the preview. An image that seems to be from the same location is this one:

…Excuse me while I get distracted by how utterly gorgeous Banba looks in this image. DX This is either before or after the fight pictured above. It looks like it’s in the same place, but it’s either them detransforming after the Minusaur gets away, or talking or something before it arrives. Though… So Kano’s apparently bargaining information about their Master(s) for defeating her Minusaur—however, she’s notably saying she wants it defeated after its completion. Which… Would mean she’d be dead, and couldn’t tell them anything. So either she’s got the information hidden somewhere, or she knows something, whether about how Minusaurs work, even just in relation to Ryusoul Tribe members, or something else. I dunno if they’re going to go the way of them choosing to save her rather than go w/ the deal—I mean… How would she justify not telling them, after admitting she has the information, if they did that? I’m curious to see where they’ll go w/ it, and excited for some background info on my sons. And, of course, lastly:

There’s a cursed armour in the hospital! DX I am very much hoping, though w/out getting any expectations up, that this means Gaisoulg is related to the brothers’ past. Esp given that they apparently don’t know what became of their Master(s), and that Kano apparently decided it was better not to tell them or that the info was big/heavy enough that she could save it for as a bargaining chip (depending on how sympathetic she’s meant to be), it could be that… Maybe someone ended up w/ the Gaisoulg armour? Either way, Master Black (and maybe Green, but most likely Master Black), has now moved up the list of potential suspects for who betrayed Banba. Not the prime suspect, don’t have one yet, but they’ve moved up on the list.

And to tack an image on the end, esp bc I don’t know when in the ep it happens:

Kou shielding Melto from the pointer finger, I guess? Apparently Melto and Asuna are arguing, and so are Tyramigo and DimeVolcano. Personally, I don’t blame Tyramigo. But I hope Melto and Asuna work it out. (Yes, yes, I know they obviously will bc Sentai! XD)

#Kishiryu Sentai Ryusoulger #Ryusoulger Spoilers #my precious Dino Children #I love five (5) beautiful colourful Dino Knights #I am SO excited for finally getting background info on the brothers y'all #SO EXCITED #I'm dying #I don't even care that I broke YouTube #oh yeah apparently while I was writing this I broke YouTube #*insert shrug emoji*#eh #I was gonna go for a walk anyway #but I am seriously going to be counting the SECONDS until this ep oh my god #I hope Gaisoulg is related to them #usually that type of character has a rivalry w/ the Red or the Sixth w/ it occasionally technically being the whole team #(and even then—like w/ Magiranger—it usually ends up focusing on the Red)#so I feel like it'd be a nice change up to give that storyline to one of the other Senshi #but we'll see #could be I'm misreading it bc it's what I want #Birthday Sentai #Dino Dragon Knights And Their Cat

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roominthecastle · 6 years ago

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“Anybody can become angry, that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way, that is not within everybody’s power, that is not easy.” - Aristotle, The Art of Rhetoric

Well, look at that ancient Greek dude rolling out a pitch-perfect summary of - what I currently consider to be - Liz’s core issue on TBL. My core issue is that I cannot keep things brief, so I’ll poke this some more bc damn S5 was so much better than I expected, and it left me with an urge to try and sort this canon mess into sth I can swallow.

What’s the deal with Liz, why is her relationship with Red in such a terrible shape at the end of S5, and why is that a likely promise of better things to come?

It’s possible to look at this deterioration as a more or less continuous (organic!) process that reaches back at the very beginning; a process to which both characters have contributed their fair share over the years and now they are reaping the consequences and setting themselves up for a potentially healing collision.

I. Liz has narcissistic traits. Red is a natural born charmer with closely-guarded secrets and a pervasive guilt-complex. Putting them together is like putting mints in a bottle of coke: even on a perfect sunny day it's the kind of fun that leaves a mess.

II. Liz’s traits are amplified by Red’s behavior and Red’s behavior is warped by Tom’s presence. When Red scales things back (i.e. stops going on guilt-trips whenever others don’t feel like facing the consequences of their actions), it only makes things worse. This is the dark side of their intense "lock and key" dynamic, the deep angst pit that has been fore-fronted since S3B due to a rapid sequence of betrayals Red suffers from those closest to him. Tom triggers both empathy and repulsion in him, which in turn feeds his self-hatred and prompts him to keep enabling Liz out of guilt, creating an unsustainable bubble that finally bursts in S5.

III. The current name of the game for Liz is repression and denial, for Red it’s still obsession and rumination. At any given time Liz works off of a partial image of him, which is less about him keeping things from her and more about her purposefully ignoring parts of him in a misguided and doomed attempt to keep an illusion of safe simplicity (she does this with Tom, too). Meanwhile Red displays clear signs of compassion fatigue, which comes with its own destructive habits and distortions of reality.

IV. Sprinters are bad at running marathons. This simple truth has been a background tension factor in the Red/Liz relationship from the get-go. It’s mirrored in Red’s earlier troubles with Madeline and in Liz’s “Tom problem”. It keeps them united yet out of sync, which leads to misunderstandings, doubts, and quite a lot of friction.

more on these behind the cut:

I. Liz has narcissistic traits. Red is a natural born charmer.

Liz has a narcissistic streak and a tendency to delude herself as a messed-up coping mechanism, all of which she voices right off the bat in the pilot episode when Cooper asks her to profile herself (and to give us a brief intro to the character). These manifest chiefly as

(1) angry, aggressive outbursts (2) a sense of entitlement/egocentrism (3) blame-shifting

and she displays these traits to varying degrees throughout the show.

Now add to these the standard “Reddington Effect” that gets pointed out by other characters, articulating what Liz has been feeling since day one:

“There's no one on earth who can make a woman feel like the center of his universe more than Raymond Reddington.” (204)

“I was star-struck. It was exciting and captivating and... it consumed me. My work, my marriage.” (411)

We can also witness this "soft power” in action when Red approaches Zoe, Berlin’s daughter, to use her against her father. We can see how easily he can charm and pull people in to get what he wants. Sometimes it hilariously backfires - as it should - but that’s beside the point rn. The point is, Liz seems to receive this standard treatment, too, and she’s immediately, intensely receptive to it.

We can see both the positive (fascination-attraction) and the negative (rejection-aggression) side of this chemistry early on. She gets exposed to Red’s regular charm routine but it’s ultimately a v different experience because what those women quoted above don’t know (and what Liz still doubts) is that with her, his feelings run very, very deep. She is both the means and the end, the journey and the destination. Neither can walk this road without the other but walk it they must.

II. Liz’s traits are amplified by Red’s behavior and Red’s behavior is warped by Tom’s presence.

Thank God I have Tom, because with you, I never know what to believe. I have never lied to you. How the hell would I know?

Red’s secretive, seductive, guilt-ridden behavior feeds Liz’s narcissistic impulses.

(1) His ingrained "I will never tell you everything” ground rule regularly forms a volatile mix with her proneness to irritability and anger. There are countless examples of this (often understandable) reaction with a wide range that goes from a raised voice to actual physical aggression.

(2) It also clashes with her belief that she's automatically entitled to be told everything, regardless of the possibility that knowing might not make much difference to her but could get others killed, or the fact that she’s often careless w/ sensitive info and sometimes straight-up ignores the answer anyway.

This is an irresponsible and wasteful way of going about getting answers. Wanting to know doesn't entitle anyone to know. It's not at all surprising that Red - whose very life depends on carefully calculated discretion - is rarely fully forthcoming. Still, this is a major source of friction, esp as it seems to run counter to him telling her how special she is and treating her as such with a consistency that most well-adjusted people would fall for. A narcissistic personality like hers stands even less chance. This triggers jealousy and possessiveness very early on, and later engenders a full-blown expectation that when push comes to shove, he would always put her needs above anybody else’s, including his own. This (partially conditioned) expectation is in play e.g. when Tom re-enters her life and also when he violently leaves it again.

(3) Red is also burdened with a lot of chronic guilt which makes him an easy target for blame-shifting by those select few he loves. He often allows Liz to push blame on him for things he is not responsible for and he suffers in silence because “in his heart, he knows he must pay”. This also enables her to delude herself into thinking that he's indeed the unified source of all her problems, which makes her receptive to Mr. Kaplan’s terrible Solution to Nothing that targets him as such. Red has branded himself a “sin eater” and this gets taken full advantage of in a way that veers into emotional abuse. It paves the way for Operation Possum and its fallout that ripples across the next two seasons.

These 3 major negative “lock and key” interactions combine and reach a very unhealthy peak in S3/B. Liz’s thoughtless, pointless fake death stunt pushes Red to an edge he barely manages to pull himself back from, and it throws a wrench in the delicate cogwheels of their relationship where the degree of functionality and “healthiness” has always hinged on proportionate reciprocity (of good and bad alike). The faked death plan is - among other things - so disproportionately cruel and so exceptionally dumb and pointless, it unhinges this interplay.

It shakes Red from his grief- and guilt-induced stupor and cracks his habit of putting Liz on a pedestal. In S4 it is now Dembe who gets to be referred to as the "light in the darkness", which, given the changed circumstances, is a much better arrangement for both Liz and Red. Red would never ask anyone to carry this burden but the truth is, he needs someone like that by his side to keep him from falling to pieces. Dembe is a centered, reliable, well-adjusted person who can carry this heavy weight. Liz can't and she shouldn't, either. Now Dembe needs to be the lighthouse keeper as they navigate their stormy relationship.

On top of pulling Liz from the pedestal, Red also begins to scale back his willingness to play buffer and absorb blame. He pushes back against the kind of behavior he partially conditioned and enabled. He refuses to give in to Mr. Kaplan’s absurd and reckless vendetta that still targets him as the “root of all evil” in Liz’s life. He refuses to keep serving as a scapegoat for Tom’s failings and Liz’s self-imposed blindness, but the most significant “slight” contributing to the big fracture in his relationship with her is his refusal to share the secret of the bag.

“That’s why you’re here. That’s… Not to help me, not to avenge Tom’s death, but to help yourself and get your precious secret back.”

It is less about the secret itself and more about Red prioritizing it above her. She is jealous again but this time it is not directed at a person but at his “precious secret” that ultimately separates him from her, and once again it masquerades as projected and misplaced anger stemming from her deeper desire for their relationship to be close and genuine.

We have been here before when the Fulcrum surfaced:

"That's why you came into my life then. And that's why you're here now. Not because of me or who I am to you, whatever connection we might have, but because of some... object. Some thing."

and after her name gets cleared in S3/B:

I thought maybe after all we've been through the past three months that you might want to take a break. It's a mythic battle, and it's not anywhere close to being over. It's your battle, not mine.

and then again with the bag of bones. “Not me but” is the underlying issue that gets to her in each of these instances and it always manifests as anger.

From her warped perspective (warped by pain, confusion, and narcissism) he is deeply hurting her and taking everything from her to keep himself safe and cozy. It is the complete betrayal of her (partially conditioned but still unreasonable) expectation that he’d always put her and her needs first. In her eyes, this is again proof that their relationship, just like the one with Tom, has been a mere tool, a manufactured illusion, which - coupled with the impostor reveal - must truly mean Red never really cared for her at all.

But her assessment is once again dead wrong because she refuses to take a careful look at all the available information in proper context - a broader context where her personal issues are not the only ones of importance and where Red not bending to her every wish, esp those that make him deeply miserable or an instant murder victim, is not a sign of lack of genuine feelings but of a healthier attitude. She is also projecting anger at her own dishonesty with herself on him, and while it worked back when Red was receptive to it bc it was conducive to his self-flagellation, this messed up coping mechanism is finally breaking down, too, due to his increasing resistance and the multiplying events that signal he was never that alleged single source of evil.

"We want the same thing."

Indeed. It's the need underpinning Liz's anger, the same one Red has already articulated, albeit indirectly: "an inextricable intimacy and a commitment." Liz uses anger to express this, Red uses fish stories and Tom.

We were both half right. Together, we were right.

Liz sees Red's commitment forever lying elsewhere: with his precious secrets. Red sees Liz's commitment tied up in her relationship with Tom even after his betrayal, even after his literal death. They’ve been longing for the other to break away and commit, but this longing still manifests indirectly and out of sync: she pulls Tom between them like a guardrail (and DG, too), so Red flees into his “work” as a defensive response, which she interprets as lack of genuine interest and withdraws further into safe denial, and we have a vicious cycle on our hands. Despite all that, she still wants him to give up his secrets and he still wants her to give up her fixation on Tom. It’s no accident Red is so captivated by her when she describes her fantasy to him. It’s v much his, too.

But they both feel betrayed right now and both cling to their respective security blankets: Red to his secrets, Liz to her anger.

III. The current name of the game for Liz is repression and denial, for Red, it’s obsession and rumination.

Liz's remark about Red during her therapy session is telling and relevant here:

"Some of what he's done is unimaginably bad. But some of what he's done for me is unimaginably good."

She has been privy to many good things Red has done for others (hell, an entire county once) but those are not factored in when she evaluates his "goodness". No, this is about her and again, it produces only a partial image. It is a good start to say to an outsider that they don’t have the full picture of who he is (or can be) and therefore their understanding is skewed. However, the same goes for Liz and she refuses to accept that her POV is limited, too, and that she is complicit in it being so. DG is a prime example: she is handed a DNA test and everything that contradicts the result is pushed aside at once. The same happened when Tom told her he was a changed man: she ignored the contradictions, so she could have the illusion of stability. Red withholds information but it’s Liz who blatantly lies to herself about many things.

But back to the quote above: so only what Red does for her is weighed on the scale of goodness. Only that defines his moral character. It is decidedly untrue but again it's a manifestation of possessiveness and something Red partially conditioned in her in moments where e.g. he says saving her helps him live w/ himself (104) or where he implies that being with her allows him to become less of a monster (209). As a result, he is reduced to something less but something confined to her, something conveniently simplified that - depending on her need - is easier to either embrace or scapegoat. When he goes along with what she wants (whether it is actually good or not), he is a welcome, positive presence. When he refuses her (no matter how justified or necessary it is), he is deemed toxic and gets rejected. But after Tom inserts himself back into their lives and after the fake death betrayal, Red seems to have less and less willingness to silently confine himself to her whims and wishes, and they finally reach a breaking point in S5.

Fans on both sides of the "why does Red care so much about Liz" fence focus heavily on love as his primary drive, and label the nature of the R/L relationship accordingly: parental and romantic respectively. What else could explain such grandiose display of unconditional love other than being related or being in love? To quote Red, "perhaps there's a third option." There is and despite it being on full display (or maybe because of it since the show has conditioned us to assume a convoluted mystery everywhere) we often overlook its importance:

With Red, guilt is the operative word. This is the governing emotion right next to love (a more recent development) to which many of his grand gestures are anchored. The pervasiveness of guilt in Red's life is pointed out several times in the show, most notably in episodes 104, 216, and 319:

“The farmer, who is no longer a farmer sees the wreckage he's left in his wake. It is now he who burns. It is he who slaughters. And he knows, in his heart he must pay.”

“The truth of it is, once you start down this road there's no logical place to stop. For the first few years, it may work. You'll draw some measure of virtue from being her invisible benefactor. But that won't last. It's all a fraud. That it's really not about her at all. That it's all about you. And you're just going through the motions to salve your own guilt. All the money, all the time and effort, all the favors in the world cannot possibly equal what you took away from her. Everything else is just a nice gesture.”

“It was a Hobson's choice. There was a woman and her child. Both were doomed. Both would die. I could either save one or lose both. I chose the child. It was the worst thing I've ever had to do in my life. Worst thing by far. I was arrogant. I presumed that there was an order to things, that there was... that if I nourished and protected and taught the child, she would be safe and happy. And she was neither. No matter what I tried to do, all I brought her was misery and violence.”

In each, the debilitating nature of guilt is given emphasis, the symptoms of which are exhibited by Red throughout the show. Chronic guilt can be an extremely powerful drive. As Red notes, "once you start down this road there's no logical place to stop". He genuinely believes he owes Liz an immeasurable debt and that nothing, not even wrecking or even giving his own life for her, could make up for it. If we look at his behavior from this perspective, the primary answer to why he is willing to go to such great lengths for her becomes obvious. He loves her, too, of course, but love is - as noted above - is a more recent, healthy development, and it still has to co-exist with deep-seated guilt that keeps it in a toxic choke hold. This combination is the main reason why he cannot deny Liz anything (see: Tom) and why he's so vulnerable to blame shifting. When someone believes they deserve to be used and punished by the one they also come to love more than anything, the danger of abuse skyrockets, too.

Guilt-driven gestures, no matter how grandiose, are ultimately selfish and fake, as Red observes. But after he finally meets her, love starts creeping into the picture, shifting their dynamic and imbuing it with something real and selfless. And Red starts pushing back a little now where Tom is concerned. This sprouting, deepening love, however, gets badly trampled on when the guilt-trips and betrayals come. Red endures them because guilt says "you deserve it", but it no longer has quite the same hold as it once did. Heartbreak is a somewhat sobering experience but until the still unknown source of his guilt is uncovered and addressed, his relationship with Liz, his love for her, cannot reach genuine fulfillment.

IV. Sprinters are bad at running marathons.

Red and Liz want the same thing (as we have established above) but she is impulsive and wants it now whereas he is wary and plans long-term.

“I can’t tell you what I’m gonna want 10 years from now. Even a year from now. I just know what I want right now.”

Liz is no fan of delayed gratification. She has wants and she wants those satisfied "right now" even if it means she has to trade a more secure, more enduring yet still unavailable future (Red) for a readily available present of poorer quality (Tom). The former requires hard work (of the sweat, blood, and tears kind), honest self-evaluation, careful planning, and lots of patience. The latter is just easy and right there, so she cuts straight to the finish line, then it all promptly comes crashing down on her.

This is what happens after her exoneration in S3B. She goes to Red but instead of some quality personal time, he acts prickly and distant, then whips out a giant map to show her how just much hard work still needs to be done before Odysseus can even consider returning home. Her response? She rejects it (and him with it) and goes straight back to Tom. He promises to give her everything she wants right there and then at a discount. She only has to bury her head in the sand regarding a couple of things and since Liz is prone to self-delusion and denial by default, she jumps at the opportunity. This is where her relationship with Red begins to go off the rails.

“Circumstances are far more complex than we ever imagined. I’m betting on the long play. The future.”

Red plays the long game when it comes to the most important things in his life, and he doesn’t shy away from torturous self-examination and self-denial to secure enduring results and a better future for those he loves. Liz’s relationship with Tom was a sprint with many corner-cutting and the inevitable letdown. They had a short present, but no future. With Red, there is a future still but Liz has to run a marathon to reach it and being a sprinter, she struggles a lot.

But she is not the only one struggling. Red is still traumatized by the loss of his family, which makes him instinctively reluctant to try to settle down again. Those who inflicted that debilitating loss still represent an active force in the world (see: the map). The longing to settle down is certainly there. It’s a dream he shares with Liz. They practically wish upon it under the stars while “Our House” is playing, but on top of his guilt and grief, the circumstances seem to be forever against him, so he doesn’t dare actively push for it like she does (he even rejects Agnes at first). He redirects his focus to the “job” to try and create a safer environment and maybe a future opportunity. This folds back to the marathon approach that Liz rejects at first but now, after Tom's demise, she must face. She vows to destroy Red but I don't think it will be a literal destruction. Deep down they still want the same thing and even though they have yet to admit it openly, they want it with each other.

Their time spent on the run in S3/A is immersed in the theme of a shared home. Liz and Red seek refuge in a theater where the stage is set as a home. This is where Liz tells Red about her fantasy and this is where Red immediately retreats behind a wall when he realizes that Liz will be pulled back into Tom's orbit.

“I’m not interested in what you want. I’m interested in what you deeply desire. I can sense that death and vengeance aren’t what drive you, Elizabeth. Or feed your soul. [What does?] A lost world, I suspect. Another life. If you can’t face your truths, I can’t be of service.”

The Djinn makes a clear distinction between “what you want” and “what you deeply desire”. It is echoed in the tension-filled dream Liz has where Red removes Tom from the picture just when he is about to spill a secret (nice piece of foreshadowing btw), then stalks up to her bed and asks her the same thing - not just what she wants but what she really wants. This image of Red stepping up as a sexual-romantic partner after her husband’s demise is shoved deep down in her subconscious. It is one she is not yet ready to face, but it is there - the option of making a home with him, an option he, too, keeps at arm’s length due to past trauma and present circumstances, and it adds even more tension to their interplay.

This exact type of unresolved tension has already popped up on this show when Madeline Pratt re-entered Red's life w/ some grievances.

"Florence was everything, our way out, a fresh start. But to you, it’s all just a job."

She feels betrayed and played for a fool because Red chose to continue living his danger-magnet criminal life, prioritizing it over her and their intended home.

"They used Pratt as bait, faked the kidnapping in order to bring Red into the Kings’ custody."

Later on, counting on his savior complex, she lands him in hot water to get even. She stages her own kidnapping and lures Red into a trap set by an enemy with a score to settle. If it sounds familiar, that’s because we see something similar play out between Liz and Red. It’s low-key in the background during S3-4 (w/ the whole home theme) and gets kicked into high-gear in the S5 finale (when Liz thinks he played her for a fool so he can continue living his criminal life):

We were out. You said the ship we were on was headed to Spain. Change of plans. Because? Because after far too much time playing defense, today’s the day we switch to offense.

They could get away and start a new life but Red refuses to quit his "mission". As mentioned above, he tells Liz they still have a lot to do and her reaction is disappointment, and when Tom offers her everything Red is not yet able (to go away and start fresh), she accepts. And this is when their downward spiral begins in earnest and all the accumulated hurt peaks in S5, in Liz's very Madeline-esque plan to fake a kidnapping and lure Red to one of his enemies for some answers and score-settling (the same business the Kings were into w/ their illicit auctions):

If you’re gonna tell him you hurt me, he’s got to believe you. You knew Reddington would come for you. He got to do what he always does: try and save me.

Indeed. And he is about to confess his greatest secret to save her life when they get interrupted and an alternate solution presents itself. He kills Sutton, takes the bag and leaves. Liz vows to destroy him after this and I think she is right. Raymond Reddington needs to die for good this time. He needs to die so the man behind that mask can finally emerge. He needs to die so Liz can finally face and understand the full picture.

Red’s guilt feeds on the secrets he keeps and Liz continues to cling to her anger because these secrets are a wedge between them. The murky past and their distorted perception of it (Red's warped by guilt, Liz's scrambled by memory manipulation) hold them and their relationship hostage, so it must be disclosed and sorted for both their sakes. The second chance will not come until this happens. When it does, I think it will be the most cathartic moment in the history of this show.

This collision course is their way back home.

#long post #the blacklist #lizzington #(not too much i was trying really hard to keep this from turning into a shipper fantasy blueprint)#(emphasis on trying)#speculation #musings #q

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thesearchforspirk · 7 years ago

Text

1 x 1 : Where No Man Has Gone Before {Subtext Study}

As we’re going in production order (which seems to produce a more linear story) the story of Gary Mitchell and his tinfoil eyes is where we’ll begin this journey into Star Trek subtext. There’s quite a bit in this episode to wade through, particularly of the homoromantic quality, so let’s get started.

Tellingly, perhaps, our episode opens on our two main objects of study playing their beloved three-dimensional chess. As someone who has been in Spirk fandom for awhile now, I can attest that 3D chess is mentioned as an activity Kirk and Spock engage in together in their recreation hours in about 99.9% of fanfics (logically, the chances of them having recreation hours that overlap with one another is about slim to none, given their respective positions, but a little willing suspension of disbelief never hurt anyone). However, I think we only see them actually play it in-canon in about 2-3 episodes total, if that.

Still, there’s something significant about the choice of chess as a game for these two to engage in and this particular game’s history as a means of courtship and flirtation.

This is also our first indication that Spock adheres strongly to the fact that he’s Vulcan and “without” emotions and that Kirk delights in teasing him about the fact. “Certain you don’t know what irritation is?” Kirk asks, knowingly, with a shit-eating grin after he makes a move that Spock wasn’t anticipating (having already smugly announced he would have Kirk check-mated in his next move). The banter here relies heavily on the natural affection between the two of them, that which the script wants the audience to be aware of. Though Spock alleges to be immune to emotions he is clearly anything but, and yet, Kirk finds an affectionate delight in this fact. He’s allowed to rib Spock a little bit about this without threat of any real offense, indicating a very high level of trust between them.

Certainly this could be the banter of two who are just friends and have no unspoken attraction or romantic interest between them, but talk like this often manifests as flirtation as well. Kirk’s decidedly sultry smirks at Spock (the first of thousands that would proceed them in the next few decades of material) and his huskier tone of voice are interesting acting choices for Shatner to have made if he hadn’t intended to play Kirk as flirty in this scene.

As I will often disclaim, I’m not suggesting that the original intent was the same as the interpretation I’m asserting here. What I am saying is that the evidence for a layer of flirtation is there, be it intentional or not, and to not at least acknowledge it is to ignore the obvious.

Moving on!

Kirk has been attempting to stay alert for any news about a recently heard Earth distress signal (despite the -ahem- distractions). News of said distress signal finally comes in, interrupting this little verbal tango between our boys, and Kirk and Spock rush to the transporter room to find an old-style ship recorder. Spock asserts that due to the damage on the object it’s likely that something happened to the ship (in the vein of blowing up or whatever I guess). The recorder begins transmitting a signal as soon as Scotty starts feeding tapes into the computer and Kirk puts the ship on red alert.

Enter Gary Mitchell, barely missing the turbolift ride alongside our boys. It’s made obvious right away that Gary and Jim are close from the casual way they greet and chat about ship stuff even under red alert. Gary then turns his attentions to Spock and, weirdly, sort of sizes him up before asking in a more straightforward tone “So, you finished the game?”. Spock nods and moves forward to the doors preemptively while explaining, “[Kirk] played most illogically. His next move should’ve been the rook.” Behind Spock’s back, Kirk grins and makes a throat-cutting motion to Gary to subtly indicate Spock’s obvious loss.

When I first saw this episode, and each time I return to it after a prolonged absence, I always initially get a sort of antagonistic vibe between Spock and Gary. On my original watch I thought it was going to be some sort of bigotry thing on Gary’s behalf against Spock’s being a Vulcan (which does happen with a different character in a different episode) but that ends up not being the case here. We really have no reason to believe there’s anything antagonistic between them, at least nothing that’s addressed directly.

(note Kirk’s got another amused, if not sultry look for Spock here)

The likelihood is that Spock’s cold retreat to the turbolift doors is more attempt to escape mention of his chess defeat than anything else. Gary’s once over of him, however, and hard tone of voice might suggest something else. Could be an organic jealousy in the fact that they share a mutual, close friend and seem to be on equal levels of bonding with the same person, but don’t seem to have much in common with one another and occupy awkward spaces beside him, sort of privately elbowing one another for the same category in Jim Kirk’s life. But what is that category, exactly? Is it just one of platonic friendship or something else?

A common argument against Kirk/Spock is the assertion that Jim (specifically) is clearly a lover of women and has never taken a male lover in canon and so must be, therefore, purely heterosexual and uninterested in men. This is a bit of fallacy in an of itself because 1) of course we never saw Kirk take a male lover in any sort of obvious way, this was a show produced in the 60′s for godssake, 2) Kirk’s frequent and, presumably exclusive, taking of female lovers doesn’t necessarily exclude him from being able to find men attractive and enjoy romantic/physical relationships with them, 3) most of the time when Kirk would take a female lover it was to gain something for the purpose of a mission; only rarely was he actually indulging in sincere feeling or attraction.

All that said, there is an argument that Gary Mitchell might be the earliest precedent and indication that Kirk has taken at least one male lover before and, therefore, has a history of finding men physically and romantically attractive. Due to the attitudes of the time it’s purely speculation based on subtext and ambiguity, but one I’ll explore here as we learn more about Gary and Jim and their history together.

In any case, I will also add that sexuality is fluid and being attracted exclusively to one gender for most of one’s life doesn’t mean that one may never find themselves drawn to something different at some point. Even if Kirk had never taken a male lover, had never found men attractive in any way prior to Spock, it doesn’t mean that Spock couldn’t have been an exception. I would also assume at this point in earth’s social development that relationships of all kinds between consenting adults are accepted with much more open minds, that any bigotry that might keep someone from indulging in or owning up to a desire would no longer exist. Food for thought. Back to our regular programming.

The three men go to the bridge and take their respective places. Kirk orders neutral warp at the edge of the galaxy and puts out a ship-wide message that the disaster recorder came from the SS Valiant two hundred years ago, the hope being that more insight will eventually be granted to them as to what happened to said ship. Meanwhile, Spock continues to have no luck with the burnt out tapes.

The department heads arrive on the bridge as ordered and we meet Dr. Elizabeth Dehner, a psychiatrist that recently joined the crew. Sidenote: if the Enterprise was ever granted a psychiatrist to replace her after this episode (spoiler alert) they certainly aren’t part of the ‘department heads’ club as we never meet them- maybe due to the events of this episode, who knows, but I can at least hope the Enterprise continued to value the mental health of her crew members despite all that. I digress.

Spock announces that the recorder has finally begun to transmit something and Kirk steps up behind him at the science station because it’s absolutely 100% necessary to the mission. Completely. Because it’s not as if Kirk would probably have been able to hear him fine from his chair or anything.

(okay, this one is just me being a bit silly but STILL, really now, Jim)

Dr. Dehner expresses an interest in knowing how the crew of SS Valiant might have fared psychologically under the distress. Gary Mitchell expresses his respect of his female crewmen and women in senior positions of power by openly flirting with her in front of the crew and then, just as openly in front of the Captain, calling her a “walking freezer unit” when she doesn’t reciprocate. He even makes ‘ooo ice queen’ face at Kirk after she rebuffs him. Nowadays that would probably, hopefully, rightfully so be grounds for sexual harassment and something Kirk would’ve had a responsibility to shut down right then and there, but y’know. 60′s. Women in power are scary so we have to knock them down a peg.

Weird how Star Trek is meant to take place in a more open-minded, less bigoted, socially progressive time in our future, but is still sometimes a product of the generation it was produced in. I love it regardless, of course.

Anyway, Spock begins to relay the spotty transmitted information; apparently the Valiant encountered a magnetic storm and then, for reasons that are unclear, began frantically searching for information on ESP in humans. Kirk asks Dr. Dehner about this and she helpfully explains that some humans can indeed see future events, but that the ability is never very strong. Spock continues that one crewman seemed to have recovered and that was when the frantic search for ESP info began, followed by an apparent self-destruct order from the Captain. Unnerved by this, Kirk orders that they leave the galaxy at warp factor 1.

Unfortunately, a magnetic force field appears right about then and the two women on the bridge grab the hands of the men nearest to them because, obviously, right? 60′s. Gary and Dr. Dehner are struck by the magnetic surges while the rest of the bridges’ control panels get various levels of fucked up. Even still, the Enterprise makes it through the storm and Kirk orders Spock to collect damage reports (with a very necessary and much needed hand on his shoulder, naturally). He then checks on Dr. Dehner (who appears to be fine) and then Gary, whose head he lovingly cradles in his hands.

(This tender moment only goes on to show us that Gary has spooky tinfoil eyes now!!! Can’t even imagine how painful those archaic contacts must have been for the actor.)

Upon return from commercial break, Kirk informs the audience that the Enterprise’s main engines and warp drive have been fucked beyond use. He also has Spock checking out Gary and Dr. Dehner’s records for ESP ratings, only to see that they have some of the highest on the ship (these must be old records though because there’s no way those two are 23 and 21 years old, respectively, at the time of this episode- SORRY, BUT TRUE), concluding that this must be why they were shocked and lived to talk about it. Dr. Dehner returns with autopsy results on the deceased, informing that their brains were burned out with the electric shock. She also vehemently defends ESP ability against Kirk and Spock who are suspicious of whether or not ‘espers’ are dangerous.

Kirk then goes to check on Gary who’s been under medical observation and we’re granted a deeper insight into their friendship.

Gary somehow knows it’s Kirk before he sees him or allows him to say anything. He points out that Jim looks worried and Jim replies with a knowing smile, “I’ve been worried about you ever since that night on Deneb IV.” Gary laughs and looks down coquettishly. “Yeah, she was nova, that one.” The fact that we have no idea what they’re talking about and that this conversation barely makes any sense of is no real importance. We’re not supposed to understand. This is meant to feel like listening to two friends who’ve known each other so long and so well they’re almost speaking a shared, exclusive language about experiences and jokes only they understand. Gary talks some about his weird eyes and then he goes back to teasing Kirk. Apparently our strapping Captain was something of a bookworm nerd back in his academy days, who knew?? (His bookishness happens to be one of my favorite aspects of Kirk’s character and one that history so often forgets in favor of him being some kind of machoman womanizer- ugh) To this teasing Kirk responds with a blush that would rival that of a school girl with a crush on her teacher.

(tee hee OH GARY STOP IT)

Gary mentions how he “aimed that little blonde lab technician” at Kirk probably to distract him from being too tough in his student-teaching position, to which the latter responds with, “You what??!” “Yep. I outlined her whole campaign for her.” “I almost married her!” So, we know Kirk likes the intelligent types as much as he is one himself. Fascinating. (Sidenote: I personally headcanon that the “little blonde lab technician” was Ruth that Kirk ‘sees’ in Shore Leave, but that’s for another episode discussion) Gary warns Kirk to be good to him because he’s “getting even better ideas” now. He also has a forebodingly echo-y voice now to indicate to a wary Kirk that shit’s about to get real.

So, what’s the deal with Jim and Gary? Everything is played rather ambiguously between them, certainly in no small part to indicate to us, the audience, that they’re close and have been for years. To have them discuss blatantly spelled out exposition of their shared past would feel in-organic and I’m glad the Star Trek writers chose ambiguity for this reason. But this ambiguity, plus the sultry way Gary teases Kirk and the affectionate, bashful blushes and smiles he gets in return could easily indicate that their friendship may not be platonic (or perhaps it is now, but hasn’t always been- maybe there was some sexual exploration together at the academy and feelings due to this that Kirk never really shook). There’s subtext enough here to believe so, I think. I’ll leave it to the reader to decide whether or not Gary could qualify as one of the earliest indications that Jim may not be so immune to masculine charms as history would so direly like for us to believe.

Anyway, Kirk returns to the bridge to find Spock watching Gary’s superhuman reading speed that is ever increasing. Spock pointedly asks the rhetorical question, “Is that Gary Mitchell? The one you used to know?”. A rather...knowing question for a being that claims to not understand or experience emotions. Kirk orders a 24 hour watch on Sickbay and all the examinations and tests possible. Gary then looks over at the viewing screen, right at Kirk, as if to suggest he knows he’s being watched.

Back in Sickbay proper Dr. Dehner has arrived to...probably do an examination or something but she’s not coming off as 100% professional. Since she’s being a little bit more receptive now Gary reluctantly apologizes for having called her a “walking freezer unit” and she assures him that “women professionals do tend to overcompensate”. Once again, this has been obligatory misogyny thanks to the 60′s!!! This little song and dance continues between them as Gary changes the readings on his vitals panel and pretends to be dead (just to get Dr. Dehner close to him- smooth, buddy) and recites a love sonnet at random from memory (that was actually written by Roddenberry himself when he was an aviator- the more you know!).

It’s funny how het flirtation in this show is only different for being more blatant in dialogue and sometimes physicality. The acting choices, reactions, tone of voice, expressions, etc, are pretty much the same when the subtext suggests it’s two men flirting. Just saying.

Lt. Kelso comes in to check on Gary and Gary informs him exactly what’s wrong with the engine. Have you gathered yet that this guy has special powers now? Gee, I hope so, because it’s not as if the show has been making that abundantly clear.

The Department Heads once again meet in the...meeting room, I suppose, Lt. Kelso showing via a blown circuit that Gary was right somehow. Dr. Dehner is late because she’s apparently in love with Gary now to the point of throwing all sense of professionalism out the window; when Spock points out Gary is transforming into something unnatural, Dehner chides him for not showing more compassion despite those on his planet not having feelings like “we” do. Kirk naturally jumps to his defense and Dehner continues in her tirade, chiding Kirk also for not ‘caring more’ about his close friend. Kirk justifiably reminds her that he and Spock are just doing their damn jobs, lady, JESUS. Also what happened to the professional that wisely rebuffed Gary’s attempts to openly flirt with her in front of her colleagues back at the beginning of the episode? I’m more concerned about Dehner’s changing personality at this point, tbh.

It soon becomes clear that Dehner’s been withholding information about Gary’s abilities. Her defense for having done this is that maybe a superhuman man would be really great thing, guys, like a better kind of human being. There’s a long, awkward, uncomfortable pause while everyone in the room gawps at the fucked up eugenics bullshit she just spouted out and it’s kind of a glorious moment, honestly. Instead, offers Spock, Gary’s power will likely grow beyond their ability to thwart him and they will become a nuisance to him and who knows what kind of shit will go down then. Kirk dismisses his Department Heads with the instructions not to tell any of the crew about this.

Kirk solemnly wanders off to the side, lost in thought and no doubt conflicted about possibly having to watch someone he, well, loves (in what way is up to you) change into a monster. Spock, who can’t seem to go a minute of screentime without himself or some other character reminding us that he supposedly can’t feel or doesn’t understand earth emotions or whatever, stops dead in his tracks and slowly turns around to his Captain. Something has compelled him to stay back and continue talking to Kirk and it certainly wasn’t an order.

(the emotionless, stoic Vulcan who can supposedly feel nothing ever looks on concerned for his friend and captain. Does anyone in the crew really buy that no emotions story or-...?)

Spock basically restates what Kirk likely already knows (that Gary is dangerous, duh) and we also hear the first very important, vulnerable use of the name “Jim” instead of Captain. They’re alone, after all, and despite all protestations Spock knows how this affects his friend and cares about that. Deeply, perhaps. Even still, Spock isn’t one for soothing platitudes. He elects instead to remind Kirk of the facts of the situation and when he’s defensively asked to provide suggestions and not just state the obvious, Spock says they can basically maroon Gary on the planet they need the lithium crystals from or they can kill him. No pressure, Jim.

Kirk is upset by all of this so he tells Spock to “get out of here” and Spock insists that those are the choices, whether he likes it or not. “Would you try for one moment to feel?” Kirk rallies back, though he seems more sad than angry. “At least act like you’ve got a heart...we’re talking about Gary...” Spock says that the Captain of the Valiant probably felt the same way- and look at where the waiting got him! Spock also says he thinks he and Kirk probably came to the same conclusion. From the look on Kirk’s face we can assume Spock is right about that.

It’s interesting in this scene that the one thing we already know Kirk finds endearing about Spock -his defensive need for logic in any situation- is the one thing that irritates him enough here to throw back in Spock’s face when he presents the cold hard facts about their situation. However, we as the audience should know by now that the fact Spock was affected and moved enough by Kirk’s mood to stay back and talk to him in private indicates that he does care a great deal. What’s more, that logical perspective, rather than some simpering “poor you” sympathy speech, is exactly what Kirk needed to get his head back in the game and do what needed to be done.

This is the part where I’d go so far as to say Spock has been a better friend (boyfriend, in time) to Kirk than Gary probably ever was. Granted, most of what we’ve seen of Gary thus far has been under the influence of the evil tinfoil eyes, but we do know that Gary was one for toying with Kirk’s emotions to get him to behave a certain way (the “little blonde lab technician”). Gary is even more charismatic than Kirk and one gets the impression he knew what to say to get what he wanted long before the powers. Perhaps Gary was good at telling Kirk what he wanted to hear. Spock tells Kirk what he needs to hear and cares enough about him to bother.

In any case, the decision is made; Kirk will attempt to maroon Gary on the uninhabited lithium mining planet. He, Spock and Dr. Dehner return to Sickbay to retrieve him and Gary has become as cocky as he is powerful. He can read thoughts now so when Kirk asks him what he’d do in this position, Gary says, “Probably just what Spock is thinking now. Kill me, while you still can.” He smiles knowingly as Kirk goes and gives Spock a reproachful, sort of scolding head shake, but no sooner does Kirk come back that Gary strikes him with some kind of electric shock. Was this manipulative little smile just a result of evil tin foil eyes or was this some of a rivalry with Spock resurfacing? Hard to say for sure, as we don’t know much about Gary Mitchell prior to the evil powers.

Once Kirk is struck, Spock, the emotionless Vulcan who we can only assume has no impulse to act on, jumps quickly into action with his phaser because like hell you’re going to strike the Captain and get away with it. He too is struck.

(omg so emotionless, you guys)

Gary goes on some more about how powerful he is and how he needs the right world for his ends when Spock and Kirk somehow take him by surprise and restrain him to the bed (despite the fact that he’s supposed to have super perception and strength, but the plot needs to move after all). They also manage to somehow get him to stand up straight for the transporter despite being unconscious but, again, whatever.

Everyone beams down and Gary is put in a cell while attempts are made to salvage parts for the engines. Gary attempts some carefully worded manipulation on Kirk, recalling the time he intercepted some poison darts aimed at Kirk and nearly died from it, so why should he fear him now? Kirk calls Gary out on his true intentions and the ego that’s grown along with his powers betrays him when he attempts to launch out beyond the electric barrier. The shock drains his power and for a moment he returns to normal.

As Gary’s eyes return to their familiar brown, he says in a very small, soft, almost frightened voice, “Jim...” and we’re granted a much more vulnerable insight into the depth of his feelings for his friend. Perhaps there was some amount of manipulation to their relationship all along, exacerbated now by the god-like powers, but in this very brief moment we’re allowed to believe that perhaps Gary really did care for Jim in a sincere way as Jim so obviously cares for him. Masterful acting, that.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t last. When Gary’s eyes change back he hisses, “I’ll only get stronger. You know that, don’t you?”. Later, Scotty informs Kirk that the salvaged switchboard fits the Enterprise’s bridge and asks if Spock received the phaser rifle he ordered down. Kirk is confused for a moment until Spock shows up with the aforementioned rifle and he’s angered by this. He stomps over to a corner, followed by Spock who explains his reasoning in that Gary keeps getting closer to escaping the force field.

“Dr. Dehner thinks he isn’t that dangerous, what makes you right and a trained psychiatrist wrong?” Kirk argues.

“Because she feels, I don’t. All I know is logic. In my opinion we’d be lucky if we could repair this ship and get away in time.”

Kirk checks on the now completed self-destruct button that Lt. Kelso has rigged up. He shares a long look with Spock before reluctantly ordering the lieutenant to press the button if Mitchell escapes and there’s no other alternative.

This conversation between them is interesting because they’re essentially both avoiding the truths of their respective situations. Kirk sounds not unlike Dr. Dehner did when she was arguing for Gary’s innocence; desperate, emotional, smart enough to know better but compromised enough to convince herself differently. Of course, her arguments were fueled by romantic affection and Kirk’s could easily just be that of a strong platonic bond but...the fact that there’s a parallel between them is interesting.

Meanwhile, the audience should be well aware by now that Spock is quite capable of feeling and acts on those feelings and impulses more than he’d like to admit. I think on some level he and Kirk both know this, so arguing that he “doesn’t feel” wouldn’t really be a convincing argument in this case for someone who knows him so well, if it was meant literally. I think what is really being said here is that Spock isn’t so deeply emotionally compromised by Gary, whereas Kirk and Dr. Dehner are (but not both romantically? Hard to believe). Spock can see and own the difficult truth of the situation where Kirk cannot, or, rather, will not.

Unfortunately this plan doesn’t work out because Gary becomes wise and takes control of some wires to strangle and kill Lt. Kelso. Back at the cell Dr. Dehner continues to argue that he isn’t dangerous and Gary 100% backs her up on this by electrocuting and knocking out Kirk, and then Spock (who of course tries to shoot him with the phaser rifle after he dares to harm the captain). Dr. Dehner finally joins Gary and reveals that she, too, now has tinfoil eyes. SPOOKY.

Later, the not-McCoy doctor comes to tend to the unconscious Kirk and Spock. Kirk wakes first but asks that the doctor not revive Spock until after he’s left to go after Gary- further evidence to the fact that Kirk is well aware Spock feels and acts on something other than logic, particularly where his Captain’s well-being is concerned; either Spock would try to stop him or come with him for protection, but either way Kirk isn’t risking it.

Elsewhere on the planet Dehner and Gary are meandering around exchanging awkward dialogue, making the artificial plant section of Hobby Lobby appear around them and eating fruit and drinking water because apparently despite having god-like powers they still need the essentials to survive. Kirk does a poor job of hunting them from the shadows; they don’t need god-like extra perception to hear Kirk stumbling around, knocking over rocks and otherwise letting the whole planet know of what he’s doing. Gary tells Dehner to go talk to him so she can see “just how unimportant they are”.

The conversation that ensues is the kind that really elevates and defines Star Trek where it is in the pop culture subconscious, one that makes it more than just space people in space doing space things, a layer of complexity that I think has been lost in the translation to the frankly horrific ‘rebooted’ series (my opinion, your mileage may vary). Dehner insists that what Gary is doing is right for her and him and other powerful Espers like them, they are where it will take humanity eons to reach in evolution, but Kirk insists this isn’t true. Though Gary may have ‘god-like’ powers, he still has his inner human frailties and demons that his growing ego won’t resist. A true God needs compassion and wisdom to temper those powers. He begs Dehner to think about this like a psychiatrist would- logically, perhaps? Indeed, Kirk is pulling from that logical need Spock has aptly reminded him of.

Gary finds them again and physically forces Kirk to ‘pray’ to him while assuring him of his inevitable death. Kirk challenges Dehner in asking her if she likes what she’s seeing, “corrupt power corrupting absolutely”. She decidedly does not and finally strikes Gary with her own powers to stop him. He strikes back and weakens her significantly, but she’s done the same to him and this gives Kirk and opportunity to show off his infamous fighting skills, get his shirt ripped open, and straddle his probable former lover in the sand. Not the first time he’ll have borderline erotic fight like this with another man. In the end, he manages to trap and I guess kill Gary in the burial plot made for him. A strategically placed boulder is all that’s needed to stop god-like powers, I’ll have to jot that one down.

(there’s no good reason for this picture other than Shatner was a really hot piece of ass back then and I like to appreciate that from time to time)

The fight has weakened Dehner too much and she dies too, as I clumsily alluded to happening earlier in this write up.

Kirk returns to the ship and adds Dehner and Gary to the list of official losses and ends their service records with the honorable notation that they gave their lives in performance of their duties. Spock, looking concerned, seems to sense the difficulty in this for Kirk and comes to stand silently beside him- a subtle gesture of support and condolence, and it would seem sufficient at that, but then he goes on to assure Kirk that, “I felt for him too” where concerned Gary’s helplessness to the power.

Kirk seems a little stunned at the confession, but the smirk that follows says that he isn’t surprised and is furthermore pleased that Spock would openly admit what he already knows so well. “I believe there is some hope for you yet, Mr. Spock,” he subtly teases with a private grin and knowing look. Spock smiles too, but not until he’s looking forward where no one can really see, not even his Captain.

Certainly there’s a message in this episode about how absolute power needs morality and compassion in equal measure, but there’s also an interesting disparity between Kirk’s two closest ‘friends’. Even before the god-like powers, Gary is very charismatic and knows exactly what to say to make Kirk grin and blush and giggle, whereas Spock is very honest, straightforward, and no nonsense. Gary seems as if he was always emotionally an open book, whereas Spock for many reasons comes across as emotionally unavailable (even if that isn’t really true).

Assuming that there was perhaps a romantic, sexual history with Gary and Jim, it would be a natural assumption that Gary allowed Kirk ‘close’ to him pretty early on, though I think the genuineness of that relationship is difficult to really call for sure. Certainly there was a strong bond between them that I don’t doubt the honesty of, but I get the distinct impression that Gary probably did a lot in the way of bait and switch, reeling Kirk in and then pushing him back out when it suited him, manipulating him from time to time.

Spock, meanwhile, is the exact opposite. Not very charismatic, tells Jim what he needs to hear rather than what he wants to, insists despite the bond growing between them and the feelings and impulses that he acts on that he can’t feel. Or rather, won’t admit that he does. Perhaps this has created something of a frustrating barrier for Jim, always feeling as if he’s distant from Spock where Gary would let him in so readily.

However by the end, it becomes clear that despite his insistence to the contrary, Spock is the more devoted, the more caring, the more dependable ‘friend’, and maybe Kirk has decided he is more than willing to go the extra mile, however long it takes, to help Spock coax down those walls if he so wishes to further their bond...in whatever form that may take.

Thanks for joining me on this long ass study of Where No Man Has Gone Before. I’d love to hear everyone’s thoughts and feelings on the episode, what I’ve made of it, things I may have missed, etc. HMU!

Join me next time for a similarly long write-up and subtext evaluation of The Corbomite Manuever.

#star trek tos #spirk #space husbands #captain kirk #spock #subtext study #slash #come hop aboard the uss kirk is pansexual headcanon ship #season one #episode one #where no man has gone before

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joysmercer · 7 years ago

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Grey’s Anatomy 14x13 Final Thoughts

Oh my goodness, what was that?

was anyone else…uncaptivated by that episode? Honestly, there was something missing that is essential to a typical Grey’s episode, and although I don’t know what it was, I could definitely feel the difference tonight. A lot of this is going to be ranting, so feel free to just scroll to the end for the things I liked :) Let’s get started.

First of all, April. The writers just can’t help themselves when it comes to not giving us any info about this girl, can they? Nearly everything we saw was through someone else’s position -- Jackson and/or Arizona’s. Two episodes ago, I never thought that her storyline would end up…like this. I wanted it to be more central, more explored, just, more than what it is right now, which is a random hodgepodge of scenes that are totally out of character and don’t seem to play any role except collectively raising the blood pressure of anyone who ever cared about this girl. As for April herself, how on Earth did she not notice her boss, the chief resident, and the most talkative intern ever running around the hospital trying to arrange a deal with an old man in Mexico? And coming to work drunk isn’t just out of character, it’s plain dangerous. And where the hell is Owen through all of this? Not only is he her boss, but he’s also a very close, older-brother-like figure to her and he should have noticed something as well. Grey’s isn’t exactly known for its continuation, but this is a really big mess.

On the other hand, I’m glad Jackson is trying to help April and trying to be there for her. It’s obvious he cares about her a lot, and it’s very sweet. As for Arizona, this girl is coming out to be a terrible friend holy shit. Last season she ruined her relationship with Webber (for a very annoying character at that), and now she’s pushing April away and ignoring the signs that her “best friend” may be at the point of no return. She did seem to wake up in the last scene or so, but that’s no excuse for how she’s been treating April. She should have realized this sooner.

The other huge problem with this episode was Ben Warren. The “I switched jobs and now I want to go back” thing is really, really overdone. The first 2 times he tried to sneak in to see his patient, I put up with it. After that…well, it got old, quickly. I must confess that I didn’t watch the final scene with Ben and Bailey because that man was driving me up the wall for an hour and I couldn’t handle any more of his idiocracy. I was super pumped for Station 19, but if this is going to be a huge plot point, I’m not sure I’ll even watch.

There were other little bits of things this episode could have definitely done without: Koracick, for one, did not have to be such an ass -- he is a doctor after all, and also had no right to treat Alex the way he did all episode. Hellmouth is getting more and more “ugh” each episode. Qadri removing her Hijab to close a wound was actually a nice scene, but her final scene where she puts it back on in public was in poor taste -- although I am not Muslim, my best friend is, and she mentioned that she has to observe Hijab around any males, except for relatives… I’m pretty sure that ER was full of men, and Dahlia wasn’t trying to save a life or anything at that moment. Also, that Jolex scene was a little random and slightly weird. Maggie didn’t seem to have any real purpose this ep except to make Jackson jealous. And besides Amelia/Alex and Meredith/Jo, where are all the other contest participants with their work? Are they (esp. Carina, who didn’t even make an appearance today) proceeding well? Finally, the whole emergency-worker-has-arm-in-body-cavity-and-now-gets-to-go-into-the-OR thing was done ages ago. Did the writers really think we wouldn’t notice? And if it was intentional, then they really should have had some flashback dialogue or something to connect the two eps. Seriously.

There were some nice things about this episode though :) For starters, I loved seeing all the children again (since when was Ellis so big??? And Harriet is freaking adorable omg). Herrera was quite badass and she and Mer make a good team. I can never get enough of Bailey putting her colleagues in their places, and I’m glad she’s back to her usual self! Alex and Amelia are developing a really close friendship, and I like seeing them bonding -- both of them obviously care for Kimmie a lot, and I’m glad they’re sticking up for her even without proper funding.

As for the preview for next episode, I’m not looking forward to the Jaggie bits, but I am wondering if Mer will get a new love interest (😏) given her lines in the preview, what the new gossip with Clive is, and if Owen will ever find out about Amelia/Koracick (also maybe something happens with Omelia too? 😏😏😏). Also, if Jolex doesn’t get engaged by the end of this season, I might throw my TV across the room.

Anyway, that’s all for my thoughts for this week. Hopefully I didn’t miss anything. What did you guys think about it? (Also, let me know if I accidentally offended or said something wrong about Islam and the Hijab above; if I did, I’ll remove it immediately.)

Until next week!

#grey's anatomy #c: april kepner #c: meredith grey #c: arizona robbins #c: thomas koracick #c: alex karev #c: ben warren #c: amelia shepherd #c: jackson avery #c: maggie pierce #c: jo wilson #grey's spoilers #c: carina deluca #c: miranda bailey #c: richard webber #c: owen hunt #myposts #myfinalthoughts #ga: 14x13 you really got a hold on me

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sportsgeekonomics · 5 years ago

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ECU -- Sinking Swimming, Soaking Itself

Today East Carolina University[1] (ECU) announced it was cutting its Swimming & Diving programs (men’s and women’s) and its Tennis programs (men’s and women’s). They were vague as to how much cutting these four sports[2] is going to save the school, saying only that “The plan will recognize an estimated $4.9 million long-term savings” without saying how many years it will take to amass that nearly $5 million in savings. (Note that I later read an article in which ECU’s athletic Director, Jon Gilbert, was reported to have said these two sports cost the school $2.6 million this year.)

Well, as you will likely to be surprised to learn, if ECU is planning on saving $4.9 million just from cutting those four sports, it’s going to take them roughly infinity bazillion years to get there because by my estimates, in aggregate those four sports are generating ever-so-slightly positive cash flow for the school (so that essentially we can consider the sports to be running at breakeven) and cutting them will not likely save the school much, if any, money. Let’s dive in to another episode of how athletic department accounting can lead to bad decision-making.

As you likely know, a couple of months ago, rumors started flying that schools were going to be cutting sports either because of, or simply under the camouflage of, the COVID19 crisis. In anticipation of the looming Great Decimation, I sent out a warning to schools’ ADs, asking them please not to make stupid cuts. I even used a simple examples with hilarious puns about a happy university named Corona. It was great fun. And apparently unheeded, but that’s not unusual here in at the Cassandra[3] department of Sportsgeekonomics. And I’m pretty sure this ECU follow up won’t really be heeded either, but it wouldn’t be drama without the chorus telling the main actors what’s going to happen and having the actors ignore the warning.

When ECU announced a day or two ago that these cuts were coming, I was ready. I am fortunate to have done a little bit of pro bono consulting work for the state of North Carolina a year or so ago, and I testified to a special committee of the state legislature. That got me access to the UNC system’s financials and I was able to get familiar with ECU’s finances even before this brouhaha emerged. A kind reporter sent me the updated version of those number for 2018-19, but even without the latest and the greatest, I was able to see that ECU looked like a prime candidate to lose money by cutting costs. In case you want to check any of my numbers,[4] here is my source document.

To do this sort of analysis requires either a cooperative and eager-to-learn administration (which is not the case here – I have no relationship with ECU, though my offer of a few hours of free consulting remains valid), or some assumptions. Here are my assumptions, along with an assessment of how aggressive they seem:

I have assumed that in the absence of these programs, ECU will lose every single athlete (or their future equivalents) to another school. Even the walk-ons.[5] That assumption is strong, and could be relaxed based on info from school.

I have assumed that the value listed for a scholarship (I call this “Listed GIA Value" in caps as a term of art) is equal to the price charged to athletes for partials (pro rata) or walk-ons (at 100%). To the extent the partial/walk-on pool is in-state vs. scholarship to int'l/out of state, this may overstate revenue. I don’t think this is that strong of an assumption, but it could be improved with detailed data from the school.

I have assumed all future athletes who would have chosen ECU because of these sports, will choose to go elsewhere, and thus tuition paid by partial scholarship athletes and walk-ons will be lost. And similarly, I assume that for the next few years, ECU will be under-capacity, so that the slots given up by these sports’ athletes won’t be filled by paying customers. This is a strong assumption, though the normal assumption athletic departments make is much worse, which is they (implicitly and probably unknowingly) assume they will manage to retain every single one of these students, paying exactly what they pay now. The truth is in the middle, but I think it’s closer to my assumption than not. That is, probably some of the walk-ons chose to walk-on after they come to school. But for all of the scholarship athletes, even the people on a 10% partial scholarship, playing their sport was likely a key reason to choose ECU. And for some walk-ons, the ability to remain part of a team after the end of their high-school career probably mattered too. They may have even been recruited walk-ons. This is the assumption that an outside just can’t crack open, but a school that wants to know this answer can use focus groups to get a sense of the true numbers and thus refine the analysis.

As stated above, I have assumed ECU for the next few years will be under-capacity, so that the true marginal cost of providing tuition/fees and room is negligible, and thus the actual cost of providing a space on campus and in dorms, on the margin, is 20% of Listed GIA Value. I think this assumption is fairly conservative in ECU’s case because under conditions of under-capacity, the two highest priced elements of Listed GIA Value, tuition/fees and room, have almost zero marginal cost. Books and board probably cost 50-75% of their Listed GIA Value, but they comprise a small fraction of total Listed GIA Value, so the real answer might be closer to 10%. By assuming 20%, I’ve essentially given ECU two times the savings benefit they are probably enjoying.

Next – a methodological note. As I recently explained in another recent post, I have developed a standardized way to look at whether cutting a sport helps or hurts a university. You can read it here, but the bottom line is that you need to ignore the listed cost of a scholarship (since that is money out from athletics and money into the central admin, so from the whole university perspective, it’s a wash) and instead focus on the actual cost of educating the athletes on the teams and on the cash they bring in, or out of the school.

Ok, boring words out of the way, let’s get to the numbers.

ECU’s basic accounting shows that in total, these four sports had listed[6] operating expenses of $2.5mm, but over half of those listed expenses were from scholarships, which we’re going to strip out and then analyze separately. That leaves their “out the door” expenses at $1.2mm.

Based on my 20% assumption, the total cost to educate the 74 athletes on these four teams (including walk-ons) is $514K. So that adds to the “out the door” expenses, and brings the true cost of these teams to the school to $1.7mm.

Now we need to look at the revenue the school will lose. The listed revenue on the books of the school is a paltry sum of $86,562. That is all “in-kind” revenue and it’s probably uniforms they get from adidas. However, as I understand NCAA accounting, when schools get in-kind revenue of this sort, they also list it as an expense. So if it’s in the base expense of the program, we either need to cut it out of expenses (since those won’t be incurred) or add it into revenues (to zero them out). So we’ll start with $86K.

Then, and this is the key, the ECU Athletic Department’s accounting completely fails to show two key sources of revenue that will be lost when the sports are cut. The first is fairly straightforward – the NCAA pays ECU $36,500 per sport per year and also approximately $6,000 per scholarship for each of the scholarships being cut.[7] Combined, that means that by cutting these sports, ECU will lose ~$360K in NCAA distributions. These numbers are on ECUs books, but not disaggregated by sport, so a simplistic look at their sport-specific revenues will miss this. But it’s real money that ECU will stop getting because they cut these for sports.

And then the second category is a little more complex, but just as important. Across the four sports ECU is cancelling, there are 74 athletes. In aggregate, ECU charges these athletes $2.6mm, prior to giving a bunch of discounts in the form of athletic scholarships.[8] But when you deduct the value of those scholarships, in aggregate these four teams pay tuition, fees, board, and books into the university at a total amount of about $1.75mm. This doesn’t appear anywhere on ECU’s athletic budget, because this is revenue recognized by a different department on campus (maybe the bursar’s office records it as revenue), but it can be a real loss to a school under the assumptions stated above. Let’s work through them carefully.

Is ECU at full capacity, esp. in the foreseeable future under COVID conditions? Almost certainly not.

Would a future swimmer or tennis athlete who would have come to ECU to play tennis on a partial scholarship or as a walk-on, go elsewhere so they can play their sport at a different school? For some, definitely. For all, maybe not. So to the extent some students would be retained, then my analysis will somewhat over estimate ECU’s forgone revenue. So this is the spot my analysis is most vulnerable to new data, and a spot where a dialogue with ECU would (a) improve the analysis and (b) show more benefit to the school from the cuts, and so I would hope maybe ECU can help us all understand what a better assumption here would be.

But under these assumptions, ECU is “saving” $1.7mm, and is losing $1.3mm from lost tuition (and room & board, etc.) revenue alone. When we toss in the paltry amounts of expense for uniforms that are likely baked into those expenses (but were actually provided by adidas) and the lost NCAA distributions, these sports are just about break-even. In total, I show that the earn a surplus of $23K, but given all the assumptions and approximations, I would conclude that swimming generates something like $2$0K in net cash flow to ECU, Tennis costs something close to that (more like $220K) and that in aggregate, these programs are breakeven in total. Here’s the math on how you get there.

(Click here for a larger version)

So if you’re essentially losing as much revenue as you are saving in costs, how many years will it take for you to get $4.9 million in savings? Survey says … Infinity! To be fair, if my analysis has overstated the revenues from the athletes’ forgone tuition payments by 100%, so that they are paying in more like $650K than $1.3mm (and I think that’s too low an estimate, but let’s use it, arguendo), then for those four sports to generate $4.9mm in savings will take approximately 7.5 years. Now I know ECU said they were going to get that money from other cuts too, but my point is that the estimated benefit to cutting these four sports is basically nil, which is quite far away from ECU’s claim to be cutting its losses by $2.6mm. But that even if I am off by 100% on my critical estimate, they’ll save $650K per year from these cuts, not $2.6mm, which makes it seem like this is the tail wagging the dog, or the 0.6 wagging the 2.

Moreover, you don’t have to view these sports as linked. If Tennis is losing $220K per year and that matters, by all means, cut it (though see below about Title IX issues, which will remain). But if swimming is generating cash, this seems like a very bad time to cut it because of concerns about some future need to rebuild the pool. “Gather ye rosebuds while ye may” as they say.

===

But wait, there’s more! ECU is also putting itself into a likely Title IX bind. I have written about Title IX in great detail so I won’t bore you with it here, but what you need to know is:

By cutting 2 women’s sports, ECU has made itself dependent on the “proportionality” prong of the participation criterion for Title IX. This means that the athlete population’s M/F ratio needs to hew closely to the undergraduate student population’s M/F ratio. Depending on how you measure it, even before the cuts ECU’s athlete M/F ratio is either 50/50 (if you let multi-sport athletes count as multiple people) or 53/47 (if you treat each human being as 1 person, not letting 84 women count as two or three humans a piece). But ECU’s undergraduate population is 57% female. And after the cuts are made, the new athletic M/F ratios will be either 50/50 (letting multi-sport athletes count multiple times) or 54/46 (using the one human = one standard) which means these cuts, at best, do nothing to help ECU get into compliance with the participation criterion, and potentially bring them further out of whack.

But it gets worse. In addition to the participation criterion, Title IX also has a financial proportionality criterion, which states that financial aid to men and women has to be provided in a ratio that is “substantially proportional” to the participation ratio.[9] If ECU is claiming a 50/50 participation ratio, then it is supposed to provide financial aid at something close to that (within one percentage point) which means between 49/51 and 51/49.[10] Before these cuts, ECU was at 57/43, which is clearly outside the limits. And because ECU is actually cutting women’s scholarship funding by more than men’s funding (mostly because more women tennis players are more-well funded than their male counterparts), the ratio gets worse, going up to 60/40.

Here are those calculations if you want to work through them yourself

(Click here for larger version)

Finally – in my estimates above, I mentioned the fact that every school gets money from the NCAA based on the number of sports it sponsors. If you want to read more about how this works, I wrote about it in the context of UAB Women’s Bowling, which you can read here over at Vice Sports.But for the curious, here are those calculations.

(Click here for larger version)

I’d like to end with a note of humility. I did these calculations fairly rapidly – in just under an hour. Then I tweeted my top line results and went and did some other work and took a nap. I came back to them with fresh eyes to write up this blog post and I found two very material errors. Fortunately for my tweet, the errors went in opposite directions, so the conclusion is substantially the same – swimming makes money and tennis loses it, but if I had not caught the error, my overall conclusion would be that the revenue loss is far greater than the $22K I calculate now (and which is essentially breakeven). I say this to remind everyone that I have still only spent about 3 hours total on this work and unlike my normal consulting work, I have had no assistance from anyone else to audit my work. There may be errors here, and if you spot any, I’d welcome a heads up, so I can fix it. But I would also remind everyone to be humble. I am good at what I do and I still made two errors by being hasty. Measure twice, cut once.

UPDATE: This analysis was featured in an article in the Raleigh News & Observer by Luke DeCock.

[1] I need to be honest here. EVERY time I hear the name of this school, Neil Diamond is in my head singing “Eaaast Caroline. BAH BAH BAH. Good times never seemed so good….”

[2] In NCAA parlance, Men’s tennis is a distinct sport from Women’s tennis, but Swimming is not a distinct sport from Diving. So two men’s teams are being cut (tennis on the one hand and swimming & diving on the other) and two women’s sports.

[3] In the Greek myths, Cassandra was “endowed with the gift of prophecy but fated never to be believed.”

[4] If you find a mistake, please let me know! I’ll fix the mistake and give you special credit in the update.

[5] Across the two tennis programs, there are 2 male and 2 female walk-ons. For Swimming, there were 8 male and 7 female walk-ons.

[6] You’ll see me say “listed” a lot. That’s generally b/c I don’t have any reason to believe the listed cost is the true cost. All I am saying when I say “listed” is this is what ECU’s accounting lists as the cost, whether true or not.

[7] The calculation of the $6,000 is a little complex – I’ve made a separate analysis for it at the end. This is not the payment the NCAA makes for every scholarship, just the 150th scholarship and beyond. Since ECU provides about 250 scholarships, the first ~100 they cut cost them $6,000 each.

[8] Again, this is one of the most critical assumptions in my analysis, that the Listed GIA Value is also what non-scholarship athletes are charged.

[9] While the regulations emphasize the +/- 1 percentage point standard, in practice, I’ve never seen anyone get in trouble for being within +/- 5 percentage points. This seems to be a spot where Title IX is akin to the Pirate Code (All ECU fans give me an “Arrrrgh”) is more what you'd call "guidelines" than actual rules.

[10] If you prefer to use the unduplicated count where some humans do not count as 2 or 3 people, the acceptable range for male funding is between 53-55% and women is between 47-49%. This still doesn’t get ECU into compliance though because 60/40 is clearly not within a few percentage points of 54/46.

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unlikely-course · 7 years ago

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So I finally watched the episode

this morning, so my keen observations are a few hours stale, but here I have a big long post in which I talk about most everything. so please do read and come and chat with me about it.

first of all GOD IT FEELS GOOD TO WIN re: Heir Marshal like FUCK what a good HET that is some PREMIUM SHIT. god Xavier my favier, prince among men, was ON FIRE (no pun intended), so smooth and determined and strong but also tender, like he is, bc he is better than most anyone. I just love him and him and Wynonna together so much I need to lie down. LIKE WHEN THEY WERE LAYING DOWN TOGETHER ALL SOFT AND PRECIOUS AND HE WAS KISSING HER SHOULDER AND THE BACK OF HER NECK AND I SCREAMED A LITTLE BC IT WAS SO PERFECT i am. so Enamored. They are both pretending to be Hard but they are gooey soft romantics.

As for the vision quest itself I was at first GREATLY RELIEVED that it was just Wynonna viewing the past bc the thought of WE doing Time Shenanigans when they can barely keep the present straight gives me hives, but then of course they ruined it at the end. Not that I didn’t appreciate Wynonna building in Waverly’s little Bobo failsafe, bc I did, but like god my whole response was WHY and WHAT EVEN and BUT THEN WHAT DOES THAT MEAN--. That said, we got some interesting info but like most things WE does I feel like it raised more questions than it damn well answered.

Robert was interesting but I feel it necessary to note that it does not move me even an inch that he used to be brave and good and bespectacled. That’s not who he is anymore, and I am wholly uninterested in the show trying to convince me that there is a better nature to be appealed to or restored after he kidnapped a thirteen year old girl, put her in a box for fifteen years, and groomed her into a sexual relationship. Time and time again shows decide “oh man, we want our villain to be More now” without actually taking into account the shit he’s actually done (looking at you, GG and TW esp). It’s like yeah WE, Bobo was a good villain! But you fucked it up! And then killed him! Own up to and live with your mistakes! What the hell do you mean “only Bobo came back”???

SPEAKING OF MISTAKES god just another like. casual fucking attempt on child-Waverly’s life by Willa. This is the shit I cannot abide, that they double (and quadruple) down on this shit while, idk, gearing up for some big Bobo redemtion arc, it’s disgusting. This entire direction they chose to go in makes me so sad and angry! It’s so out of sync with the show as a whole. And the more they do it post Willa/Bobo reveal the more I cannot help but suspect that they are doing it to try and cover their ass on how deeply wrong that was by trying to make "too Evil for anyone to care about” which is, frankly, fucked-up and sinister. Idk I want to talk more about it later.

Now on to the good stuff aka Wayhaught. Realistically, the bones of this fight comprise the conflict that Wayhaught was always going to have from the moment we were introduced to them: that Nicole oversteps to protect Waverly from something, and on top of that being A Bad, Waverly EXTRA does not appreciate it bc of how she’s been seen/treated her whole life. Now, it’s execution here? A lil clumsy, I would have done it differently, but whatever, the aim is clearly to be as direct and gentle as possible in doing it. I mean it seems pretty straightforward to me and will most certainly resolve by this week, at most the next, but I keep seeing people talk about other shadowy figures freaking out and calling Nicole “toxic,” which, what.

Okay I lied the other good stuff is I love Waverly and I wish life wasn’t so goddamn hard for her. Also, I love that they almost named her Welcome. On levels.

I love Rosita a lot, but I do not trust Andras with her as far as I can throw her, which given that she is a fictional character is not very far. A) I kind of suspect she’s a revenant (Doc’s much-promised “protection,” the fact that he advises fostering a personal relationship with Wynonna to provide that in his absence, the mirroring of her and Waverly’s never having seen the ocean (ie, never having left the triangle?)) and that in pursuing this “twist” to its end they’ll do her wrong. Also 2) okay like people fret about her interfering with Wayhaught in some fashion, and while this seems patently ridiculous bc in-universe it is, in terms of “things Andras might pull”? Entirely possible. She’s a goddamn animal loose cannon grab-bag. They are taking the time to make some very weird, pointed lines about her come from Waverly, on this, the show that barely takes a breath that does not serve the machine of its 9000 plots. God I just want her and Waves and Jeremy to start a coven why is that so much to ask???

#wynonna earp #waverly earp #nicole haught #xavier dolls #rosita bustillos

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flslp87 · 8 years ago

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6x17 Thoughts

Like most weeks I rewatched the episode on Monday allowing myself to get my thoughts together, however this week I enjoyed the episode SO much that I watched it 3 times yesterday and some parts (you know which ones) I watched more than that.....

A few notables.... Rumple was ‘woken’ by David? Interesting and makes a few things make sense. Tiger Lily and her connection to the BF - I can’t wait. And Captain Swan - again I can’t wait. So on with my thought break down.

Snowing - what can I say? They were magical. I loved the dream walking and finding out that 10 years into the first curse they actually woke up and had an opportunity to bring Emma with them, or to go off on their own, yet they made the sacrifice to drink the potion and allow Emma’s fate to play out. Could I have done that? No, but it fit well in the story and for whom Snow White and Prince Charming are together and for what they have always stood for. The fact that it was David who wanted to jump through the door and grab Emma was heartwrenching and that it was Snow who had to make the difficult decision was very typical of the show as they have written female characters who often have to make decisions that are very difficult - and let’s face it, usually involve children. In the present, both David and Snow providing individual support to Emma was so touching and exactly what she needed as well as when she needed it. ----In response to why the flower survived Emma telling her mom it was because it needed to was a really nice compliment to the next scene when Snow told David that we have to have hope that she is strong enough to grow up and find us when she’s supposed to. ----Interesting to see how this season has been about accepting who we are today and that it is ‘because’ of what we have gone through - and the scene with Snow leaving Emma and then Emma making the comment about the flower were a nice call back to that theme. ----Snow’s comment when she woke up from the curse and said something about her family growing I thought was a nice call back to Killian making the comment to David about allowing his family to grown when he asked for his blessing to propose to Emma. ----Another thing I noted was the BF saying something about Emma being alone and as soon as Snow woke up she said that is the way we are going to beat her is by working together - which I feel has been a strong message pushed the last 2 seasons. That when there is an external problem they fight it best together, ie by sharing the burden. I think this is going to be the key to defeating the BF ultimately.

Regina - she stepped up and I was really happy to see this. Even when David pointed out that it was the curse that ‘she’ cast, she acknowledged this. I always thought that Regina would be the eclipse to break the Snowing curse but it was the entire town which was quite touching, esp after everything that Snowing gave up for them. She even seems to have put aside her issues with Zelena to get her help when magic is needed. And when Killian pulled out the ring, I loved how she took Henry’s arm and scurried into the bedroom to give them some privacy.

Zelena - I know she’s working with the heroes but I just don’t trust her. And I did find it very interesting that when it involved magic Zelena was allowed to help, but when it involved ‘family’ time - both at the loft when Regina was hanging with them as well as in the office when they broke the curse Zelena was absent. Is there a meaning here? Her character has been worthless this season so I think something big is going to go down with her, I’m just not sure what. (plus I am still salty that she was kept and not Robin so that could affect my viewing of her character.)

Tiger Lily - I have so many questions about this character. I really loved her but the look on her face a few times just made me think that she was thinking “things are working perfectly’ - --- She knew his real name. How? At the time when they were on ‘skull rock’ would he have introduced himself as Killian Jones? ----She says “Only way we have of winning the coming war.” So why is she including herself in this way and how does he know? (I was looking for a globe or a dream catcher) --- I’m not sure why Killian thought how showing her a ring would convince her that his love and the savior were one and the same, but after she saw it, the look on her face made me go hmmm. ----How did she know the BF was already in SB? ----Why does she have only part of the most powerful wand ever made – was the entire wand hers? When asked how she got it, she evaded the question. Does the wand need to be forged with something else to make it whole? if so ‘could’ it be the CS TL sapling? The Snowing TL Sapling was introduced to ‘trap’ the EQ but she broke it, could it be that the CS TL sapling is the answer to defeating the BF? ---- She also said “If anyone should have stopped her from walking down her dark path, it was me.” – why? With that specific episode showing how a mother sacrificed for her ‘people’ AND then in the present sacrificed for her daughter made me wonder. Was TL the ‘head’ fairy, the ‘mother’ of the fairies? Could the little girl be a de-aged BF?

Rumple/BF/Gideon - The BF’s comment to Rumple about being the family like we were meant to me makes me think that what we saw spoiler wise in SB for the finale is her HE. Who casts that curse, I wonder Is it her or is it Zelena? I want to say Z because she makes a deal with the BF to save her child. I did enjoy that Rumple seemed to unsettle the BF by knowing that she had G’s heart and by tossing out there that info about the pixie flower. In the past, he needed the name Emma to come out of the curse but then as soon as he figured out it had only been 10 years and mixed the potion for them all to drink. I DO NOT believe that he drank the potion. I have always felt that he had an ulterior motive for everything that he was doing that was “MORE” than just finding Bae because once Bae was found and died, Rumple didn’t change. He kept pushing for ‘something.’ So even though there wasn’t magic in SB during the first curse, somehow he was able to locate Emma and find out that she had given up Henry and arranged for Regina to adopt him. THEN just as Henry was losing hope and the book ‘appeared’ for Snow to give it to Henry - I’m wondering if that book was put there by Rumple. He seems to have his fingers in most of the puzzle pieces, why not the book also? The show really seems to be leading us to believe that there is going to be something with Rumple vs the BF. I think there is a possibility that there might be 2. One he will try to do alone and he will fail. THEN he will work with the entire group and together they will defeat the BF.

Captain Swan - Oh man I’ve watched their proposal dozens of times and it’s amazing every time. Killian’s single-minded mission to get to Emma and Emma finally asking her father ‘how he does it? - ie keep going and working w/ her mother when they aren’t together - and then her dad telling her that Hook was working his way back to her. Killian tossing out there ‘the woman that I love’ over and over again was so sweet. And when Emma used the pixie dust and the portal took her directly to her man and she burst through that door and pushed those boys aside to grab Killian’s hand and pull him through the door was just ugh....And then the proposal - words can’t describe and the way they looked at each other and wouldn’t let each other go. I just hope that him falling on her and them asleep on the office floor isn’t all the ‘action’ we get.

Next week I’m expecting the BF to threaten to baby and Zelena to try to ‘fix’ it on her own. In the past, I think she gave up her friend to keep her power so I’m expecting her in the present to put her baby first. BUT will the BF take the baby? Is that what pushed Z to run over the BF in 19? To save her baby will she make a deal with the devil? Will she sacrifice others for her own needs? I tend to think so but can’t wait to find out.

Tagging my spec girls. @whimsicallyenchantedrose @idontdothatveryoften @hellomommanerd @linda8084 @ladyciaramiggles @onceblog

#flslp87 thinks on 6x17 #ouat meta

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